He is just SO CUTE!!!!

That is constantly what I think about when I stare at Beckham.  "He is just SO CUTE!!!".   That little boo bear of mine has just stolen my heart!  Tonight I was rocking him to sleep...I just LOVE that he wants me to rock him every single time he has to go night-night.  I just LOVE that!!!  Anyways, lately when I stand up after rocking him he has started to get fretful about going to bed...so I have been talking to him telling him that he's not going to cry, that he is just going to lay in his bed and go night night and that I will see him in the morning.  I will tell him that I love him and he will nod his head (hehe...LOVE IT!), then I will tell him to have sweet dreams and he will nod his head :) :) :), and I will tell him that I will see him in the morning....annnnnd he will nod his head :), then my favorite part is when he starts to wave bye bye to me!!!!!!!!  OH, my goodness....to have this sweet baby scooped up in my arms...face to face kissing him all over the face and then having him wave bye bye with his precious tiny little perfect hand....it makes me want to just keep holding him and loving on him!  He is just SO CUTE!!!!!!

My point is...this will pass...

VBS week is here at church and tonight, Blake worked later so I had to take the boys with me.  Well, they do not enjoy church AT-ALL!  They start SCREAMING AND CRYING when I drop them off in their classes...Parker 3.5 and Beckham 20 months.  Well, talk about my heart being ripped out of my chest...everytime I have to sit there and listen to them scream for me, I pray and pray "God, please let them calm down"...please please do something!  Well, for whatever reason, God has chosen to remain silent on this issue.  He is sovereign...I trust Him...I have no idea why He has chosen to not calm my children at church (Parker has been doing this his whole little life in the nursery at the SAME CHURCH), but I trust that He hears me and my heart ache over it.  Anyways...I was standing in a side hall tonight...just in anguish over what to do when a dear friend walked up to me...I gave her a quick "why I'm here" speech and she proceeded to tell me about how her granddaughter whom she helped raise just graduated from high school.  This granddaughter who used to cling to her legs crying her eyes out for her not to leave her was walking across the stage to receive the diploma that would allow her to move off and go away to college.  My friend told me how she looked at that little girl and wished that she could hold on to HER legs now and keep her home. Well, that was it...I started boo-hoo-ing!!  As she was boo-hoo-ing with me, she said...so you see?  This WILL pass and you will be holding on to their legs when they are moving away.  I am sitting here typing this blog hardly able to see with tears welling up in my eyes and pouring all over again.  She was right...my precious little boys, whom my heart sings when I see them, will one day no longer need the comfort of my touch, or the comfort of my arms or the comfort of my voice.  They will one day not look at me with dreamy eyes nor long for me to play with them and hold them and rock them.  One day...this phase will pass...

It is so easy to wish difficult phases away...constantly looking across the fence to the greener side...but what we miss are the NOW moments we have with them.  What are the now moments that are sweet and precious?  Well, my boys think being with me is the best most comforting thing in their little world.  They want to be with me every waking moment...yes...even when that means waking me at 6:30 and following me to the restroom and to this room and that room.  I am in a very physically draining point of my life...but oh...if I just stop for a minute and look at my life as if I am looking back...it is a blissful, fulfilling, JOY-filled time of my life!!!  My boys think EVERYTHING is exciting!  One of Parker's highlights of the day is going to see "if the swimming pool is open" and then watching his face LIGHT UP with joy when he sees it is.  When I see Beckham open his mouth in excitement and his eyes light up with joy when I ask him if he wants to watch bulldozers on the iPad.  When Parker is SO HAPPY and excited about just driving his truck or riding his bike.  "Mommy, how about I ride my bike and then I can drive my big truck"..."do you want to do that, mommy???"...."Yes, baby...I would love that!"....."OK mommy!!!!".  It is so sweet and so innocent.  They love life.  How when I gave Parker a new tube of toothe paste and he said with such a sweetly GENUINE voice "thank you mommy!!!!!!!"....how they both get so excited just to push the "water button" on the water cooler to fill up their sippy cups.  How Beckham points to the rocking chair for me to rock him before he goes to sleep...EVERY TIME!!!  This is heaven...is it hard and physically and mentally exhausting???  ABSOLUTELY....are there days that I gripe and complain???  ABSOLUTELY.....but I feel like tonight...when my friend came and talked to me...moments like that are little gifts from God, where he catches my attention and says "Cathy, do see what you have?"  "You have these boys at such a beautiful time in life...so tender and sweet...you HAVE them....ENJOY them...CHERISH them...because you see?  This will pass....."