The thought of them growing up...

Today- I had Beckham in his bouncy seat and I was just staring at him...my sweet little innocent baby boy- who is so in love with mommy right now...everywhere I walk, he watches me, anytime I look at him and start talking his eyes stare into my soul...I can make him laugh and smile with the littlest things...one day he will be a grown boy...and then a grown man. I then looked over at my precious Parker, who also loves his mommy and loves to sit by me and loves to play with me...who sat next to me on the couch and shared an apple while we watched TV...he will be grown up too. As wonderful as that is- and as wonderful as my life will still be- I can't help but to get a lump in my throat and an ache in my chest to think this sweet wonderful stage will no longer be here. They will not be "in love" with mommy the way they are now and their little innocent excitement will no longer be there. Tonight, Blake was blowing off the driveway and Parker, Beckham and I were in the kitchen working on dinner- when I heard the blower, I got Parker and we rushed out to the garage...the minute Parker laid eyes on daddy's blower, he rushed over to his truck, frantically (and I mean FRANTICALLY) reaching for his toy blower so he could go blow the driveway off with daddy. It was the most sweet and precious sight I have ever seen. He was SO excited to finally get to use his blower with daddy's REAL blower...it was the real deal!!!!



I can't imagine my life without these little thrills. I can't imagine not getting to explore life everyday with my little boys and their excitement for everything. I am not promised tomorrow, therefore I CHERISH today...I cherish my boys as little boys who still find mommy exciting and still look at me with those lovey eyes. I cherish the fact that I can still hold Parker in my lap and read books to him at night in his rocking chair, and I cherish the fact that Beckham follows me with his eyes and gives me such loving stares. I cherish that I am "mommy" still and not "mom"...I love that Parker still reaches for me to hold him and loves to sit on the counter while I cook. Oh the list could go on and on....I love my boys...I love being their mommy and though the thought of them growing up makes me tear up- I am glad I thought about it, because once again...it made me cherish today.

The feeling of my baby boy looking at me....

The best feeling in the WHOLE world is when I look over at my baby Beckham and he is staring so intently at me. As I sit here and type this- my heart gets such a warm fuzzy feeling! Today, as I was eating lunch with my precious boys- I experienced this again with my Boo Bear! It's a look- so filled with love- it's hard to even explain. Once our eyes lock I get this HUGE big cheesy grin from him that just makes me want to scoop him out of his carseat and just kiss him and hug him till he can't stand it anymore! :) OH....I just WUV it!!!!

An unexpectedly sweet day...

I loved today. I loved it because it was ordinary with extraordinary moments that came from what would be considered a frustrating situation! This afternoon, Beckham did not want to take his nap; so I went in and picked him up and rocked him. It was so amazing how as I was rocking him he was perfectly content...being in his mommy's arms...that's all he wanted and it filled my heart up that I was able to give that to him. So I rocked him and we both slept, snuggled up...though I woke up with a crick in my neck; it was the greatest feeling knowing I got to spend such sweet time with my little Beckham...time that I don't normally get...and it was all thanks to him not wanting to take a nap!

Parker woke up from his nap pretty grumpy and was especially not happy when I loaded he and his brother up in the car right after to run to the grocery store! After knocking the snack I offered him out of my hands, not giving me any smiles at the grocery store and coming back into the house totally grumpy- you can imagine I was a little concerned for how my night was going to go. (and Blake is at work too) I thought...ok...while I unload the groceries I can turn on one of Parker's movies...that will save my night...NOPE...TV was on the fritz and a movie was not an option! HA! Wow...I couldn't believe....so with my first inclination being frustration and irritability, I decided to stop, take a deep breath in and get excited and happy for a great night. It was pretty amazing...when I changed my attitude, tone of voice and put a big happy face on...SO DID MY BOYS! It spoke wonders to me in how my attitude directly effects my children! So I got Parker fed dinner and off to our bubble bath and cartoon date!
I just had the best time getting Parker's PJs on and brushing his teeth...being silly and laughing and playing! I love making his life playful.

Then, it was time to put Beckham to bed- and as I was feeding him in his room, Parker came in on his little motorcycle, then came in and showed me his grocery cart, then came in and had me kiss his hurt head...it was great.

God is so good to give me nuggets of treasure in situations that I would never expect to find them. What an unexpectedly sweet day it was!

He's 4 months old.

My sweet Beckham...

You are now 4 months old. I cannot believe you have been in our world for 4 months!!! My, how you have changed so much in the past months...
You are such a happy baby. If I am talking to you, no matter how tired or hungry you are, you smile. You will never know what that does to your mommy's heart. Your smiles fill me with joy and I can't tell you how much I love them.
You now sit in your carseat happily! Wow...what a change! When we first had you up till about 3 months, you HATED your carseat; you would SCREAM the whole time. However, we have made such huge progress and you sit in your carseat and hang out sometimes awake, sometimes asleep and sometimes you need your "passy" to help soothe.

But wow, in 4 months, I have fallen so deeply in love with you. No matter how fussy you are or how little you nap during the day, when I pick you up and you look at me and smile...all of my frustrations fly out the window. How could I not be grateful for you, fussy or happy, when there are so many parents out there who have lost their children. You are perfect and your sweet face fills my joy cup to overflowing.

I love you, sweet boo bear. I hope that you will always know that- even when I can't give you the attention you need..."I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my boo bear you'll be!!!!!"

Two years of sweet bliss....

Parker- tomorrow, you will be two years old. I can hardly believe it! Two years ago at this very moment, I was carrying you in my belly- feeling your movements wondering what color your eyes would be, and if you had hair and what color that would be...what your nose and ears and fingers and toes would look like. This baby that was moving inside of me....I knew so well, yet I had never met him.
Then- 8:55am came along on February 3rd and I heard the voice of angels...my baby...screaming as the doctors pulled you out of me. The most wonderful sound a mother could hear. Dr. Irwin showed you to me for the first time and it was amazing...how could I love this baby so much, and yet I had never met you before! They gave you to me wrapped up in your blanket and we just stared at each other...eye to eye...heart to heart...mommy and baby. To this day- I can feel the excitement and the awe that I felt at that very moment, meeting you for the first time.
On February 6th we arrived home and I began a life with you that I could have never imagined would be as blissful as it is. I never imagined my heart could love as deeply as it began to. I never imagined that I could truly give my heart to a child....I could never imagine being willing to lay down my own life for a child.
Tonight- after we read books- you let me rock you- your head in the crook of my arm and your legs all curled up...as I looked down at you my heart went back to the moments when you were Beckham's age...so tiny...and now...almost two you look so grown up, however, "I'll love you forever...I'll like you for always....as long as I'm living....my BABY you'll be."