Tears in my eyes...

Today- I was listening to KSBJ and they had Steven Curtis Chapman on there talking a little about the tragedy they experienced of losing their 5 year old daughter- it was an accident in front of their house that changed their world forever. As I was sitting in my car listening to him I started to put myself in their shoes...I started thinking how devastating it would be to not ever see my baby's smile again or never get to see and FEEL him run up to me and throw his arms around my neck. Tears began to well up when I thought I could never chase him around the house or play peak-a-boo or even have him come up to me crying longing for me to make it better. These types of thoughts flooded my mind to the point where if I didn't stop "empathizing" I would be bawling in my car! It was a huge experience for me- because the past couple of days/weeks off and on Parker has been really testing me, however, his WORST day would be the Chapman's dream if they could have their little girl back. Even though I may get frustrated with my little boy- I-STILL-HAVE-HIM! As my tears are falling down my cheeks I looked back at Parker who had fallen asleep in his car seat...so perfect and so sweet...I just wanted to crawl back there with him and snuggle with him and tell him "Baby boy, even when you are at your worst, I am so grateful I can see and touch you and hold you and love you and kiss you- you are my precious gift from God and no matter what you will always have my heart".

Today was such a wonderful day! First, Blake was off and it is always so fun when he is home to add excitement and joy to our everyday adventures. Today was nothing extraordinary, but in it's own way it was to me. I know that I only have a little over 6 weeks till Beckham makes his appearance and only 6 weeks where Parker gets my 100% attention.
The fun began as the three of us sat on the couch to eat our hamburgers for lunch and watch TV together. I, however, did not watch TV as I just sat and stared at my boys. Parker holding and eating his hamburger like such a big boy, next to Blake eating his hamburger and both of them staring at the TV with the same expression on their face. It was the cutest thing and I could not take my eyes off of them. I loved how Parker would hand his hamburger to daddy when he was ready to drink milk from his sippy cup or when he wanted to eat a french fry.
Later after getting home from the grocery store, we broke out the playdoh that I had purchased. So simple, yet so fulfilling to just sit and mash playdoh into different shapes; at one point daddy and Parker were making mustaches and I was taking pictures. It was so funny.We then came back to the bedroom and Parker and I laid on the bed and watched Sponge Bob on TV while daddy worked on the computer. For just a moment he laid next to me on the pillow...I loved it...I never wanted it to end. Then, from watching he and daddy jumping on the bed to playing with him on the floor to taking a walk in his red wagon- it was a day filled with joy...joy that filled my heart up making me yearn for the next day to come quicker so I can live it all over again.

After a string of days where Parker tested me emotionally and physically- I needed today- I needed a day that I wasn't having to correct him all day, a day that I could just be silly and laugh with him all day, a day that I could enjoy my baby boy for all that he is!

I love you just because you're you

Tonight as I was getting Parker ready for bed, I read a book to him called "I love you just because". It is the most precious book and as I am reading it I feel my heart, not my mouth, pouring out the words to my little boy. So here is my own version....

Parker-
I love you when you laugh so hard you get the hiccups
I love you when you run and play hide and seek
I love you when you throw a tantrum over something insignificant
I love you when you clap for me after I dance
I love you when you hate my cooking
I love you when you love my cooking
I love you when you have stinky diapers
I love you when you get out of the bath tub and smell so clean
I love you when you dance around in the shower
I love you when you walk into a room and say "Hiiiii dada"!
I love you when you laugh and chase the dogs
I love you when you dance when Sponge Bob comes on
I love you when you run up to me and kiss me and bear hug me
I love you when you run up to me crying needing my full attention
I love you when you disobey me
I love you when you obey me the first time
I love you when you are grouchy for no reason
I love you when you are super happy
I love you when you sleep
I love you when you don't sleep
I love you when you snuggle with me
I love you when you run off and do your own thing
I love you, my precious baby boy- I love you with all my heart and would give my life for you- I love you no matter what you do or what you don't do...I love you just because you're YOU!