Boy, do I not have CONTROL!

So ever since Friday, God has truly been showing me that I have Z-E-R-O control over events in my life.  Here I am, 2 days past my due date and could literally go into labor at any moment.  Ok, so, in my mind, for me to do that:

1. The whole family needs to be NOT SICK, why?  Because well, Blake and I are obvious, but Parker and Beckham will be staying with my precious friend up here while I'm at the hospital, and she has two kids...don't want to share sickness...which brings me to...

2.  My friends family needs to be well, so they are up and ready for taking care of my kids, and that my kids don't bring any "yumminess" back home to a new baby!

3.  My midwife needs to not be in labor with another momma!

4.  I wanted my cousin to be able to take pictures, but she is a wife and mother of 4 and lives 2 hours away...so that was going to be interesting

Ok, so these are the variables for me to go into labor...in my mind!  And of course, I am always sure each day I wake up that TODAY has to be the day!

Well, Friday, Parker is stiffly all day, and complaining of a sore throat.  He also started running fever later in the day.  I started to panic because of #1 on my necessities and because I was SURE I was going into labor ON FRIDAY!

Ok, well, he was fine the next day, and I never went into labor, so whew!  Problem resolved.

Then, yesterday, my birthday AND the day I was SURE I was going to deliver, Parker starts with a case of diarrhea and an upset stomach.  Ohhhh NO!  What am I going to do?????  I'm going into labor today and who will watch my kids with the stomach bug!!!!  Oh man, and then we ALL are going to get it and that means I CANT go into labor today, because #1 MUST HAPPEN!!!!  So then I got SUPER discouraged because that meant I had to continue on in pregnancy for at least another week!!  On top of having to take care of a stomach bug baby which is like my WORST fear...they freak me out so bad!!!  Anxiety building!!!!!

Ok, so today, Parker is much better, but I got a message from my midwife that she might have to cancel my appointment because of another momma in possible early labor!!!!  Ohhhh NOOO!  #3!!!!!!!!!!!!  So that means, not today...I'm not going into labor today, and if that other mom is not in labor, she apparently is close!  Ugh!  Then Beckham JUST told me that his throat hurts!  Ok...so my kids do get sick...just like most kids...but this week has been odd!!  Hahaha...God is obviously taking my list of necessities and laughing at them!!  

Oh, and last Friday, my sweet cousin had a family emergency and had to jet out of town for a little while, along with camp and vacation for her family coming up really soon...so...looks as though #4 won't be working out.  

Well, Blake asked me yesterday why I was grumpy and I told him, basically all of the above.  Then he said something that was obvious, but a true eye opening experience for me..."Cathy, you are stressed sand worried about all things that you CANT CONTROL, so God is teaching you something here...who is in charge of all of this?  No you!  So quit being grumpy and trust in His sovereignty".  Hmmm...he is absolutely right!  This whole time I've been "trusting" in Gods timing and sovereignty, yet I had a secret plan for how it was going to play out and everytime it doesn't, I get frustrated!  So there it is...my HUGE lack of trust in the one who created life, and in the one who allows sickness and healing.  So when something else happens, I tend to chuckle to myself..."ok Lord, you have control, not me".  The hardest part though, is still being pregnant...I'm in so much pain, I'm home bound due to a cramp I get in my right leg that could put us in danger in the car, and I can't sleep! Haha...on top of the stretched feeling and utter exhaustion!  That, I think is what gets me so so down!  But...I am going to survive, and I HAVE to trust The Lord!!  I can't wait to update this blog after Jett comes to show HIS hand in all if this waiting :)