The big brother...

I realized today when Parker bumped his head on a table that he could clearly run under just a few weeks ago, that he is growing and getting older quickly. Just a reminder that I must cherish every moment...every little memory that would normally pass me by. So today...I loved several things about my Parkerman....

1. Watching him figure out how to pick up his lawnmower and get it to roll down his slide in the backyard.

2. How he figured out if he looks through the cracks in the fence he can see into the neighbor's yard.

3. How he loves to rough house and play with me on my bed. He yearns for me to throw him on the bed and jump on there and play play play. I love that so much! I love that he WANTS me to play with him and be with him!!!! So today as we were playing on the bed, I yelled "Pillow fight!!!" and then whopped him with my pillow...he laughed and then grabbed a pillow and threw it at me...I fell over and he just laughed and laughed!!! We did that over and over again, until it was time to play ring around the rosy!! So I stand up on the bed and he excitedly jumps up and grabs my hands and we jump around the bed singing and then FALL DOWN!!! LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH!!! Oh....tickle tickle tickle and hug hug hug!!!!!!!!!!! Those bed moments are some of my favorites!!!

4. How Parker will get on one of his riding toys and then pat the seat of his other riding toy wanting me to ride it and chase him around the house!

5. The past couple of nights he has let me rock him...like a baby... with his head in the crook of my arm. I sing "I love you forever" while staring into his eyes...until he drifts off. Heaven...on...Earth!

6. I love holding him. Even though he is almost two- I love that he reaches up and wants me to hold him. I don't care if I am spoiling him...eventually he is going to be too cool to be around me and I am going to hold him every minute I can and snuggle with him every moment I can, because I only get these moments once in my life...I only get to be a mommy to him once!

Parker, "I'll love you forever...I'll like you for always....as long as I'm living...my baby you'll be!!!"

My sweet little Beckham

Today I realized that my sweet little Beckham is becoming alive. As I was breastfeeding him, I happened to look down at him and see his beautiful blue eyes staring at me. Oh, how I looooove this stage. So of course I get a huge smile on my face and stare right back into his eyes. Then, unexpectedly he SMILES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OHHHHHHH big and cheesy too!! That was IT! I went nutso! It wasn't the first smile, but it was the first smile I received without begging or talking! :) Tonight, as I was getting him ready for bed, he was staring at me again...and I just starting talking to him and singing to him, with our eyes locked, and I relished in watching him get so excited to have me talking to him. It's unconditional love...on both ends...it's beautiful, and I know this is just the beginning of a love that will overwhelm me on a daily basis!

Small little memories...

Today had some fun small little memories I just want to jot down to remember...

While I was putting on my makeup this morning- Parker wanted to sit on my lap. To me it was such a sweet moment that my little boy wanted to share with me...so up on my lap he went! It was so precious to see him ask me what everything was and to have him stare at me while I put my makeup on. I know he will lose interest in something like that soon- so I cherished the moment!!

I love love love how when Parker wakes up from his nap- he just wants to be held in my arms till he is fully awake.

We went to the park today and had a blast! At one point, Parker took a break from running around like a crazy man- and sat on the stairs leading up to the slides. He sat down with his sippy cup and then patted the spot next to him for me to sit. Once I sat down he put his hands in his lap and we just sat next to each other staring out into park...quiet and sweet! Ohhhhhh......

I loved sitting on the ground at the park throwing leaves into the air with Parker.

I loved playing ring around the rosy and falling down into the grass together.

I loved how, when I was working out today, I would lay on the floor to do sit-ups or push-ups and Parker would come sit on top of me!

On our way home in the car, Parker was upset about something and when I reached my hand back to calm him down- he held my hand so tight and didn't want to let it go.

I love how when I sit on the ground and say "one...two...THREE!!!!!" with my arms open wide, he comes running and LEAPS into my arms hugging my neck so tight I may have to go to the chiropractor!!

I just love when he reaches up longing for me to pick him up...

I love watching him play......

I just love being his mommy!!!!!!

You never know when it could be the last time...the next day he could "grow out" of wanting to hug me or wanting to play with me...I have got to cherish every single small little memory!!!!

Some more of my favorite things....

This morning Parker did some of my favorite things....

1. We eat breakfast on the couch and watch cartoons every morning- when I was done, and my plate was empty- he came over and picked up my plate saying "all gone" and then walked off with it...he set the plate on the floor, waved at me saying "bye" and then picked up the plate and put it (or should I say dropped it into) the sink. SOOO precious to me!!!

2. When Beckham woke up I was in his room nursing him. Parker came in and began bringing his matchbox cars and trucks into the room one at a time...showing me one saying "car" or "truck" and then setting them on the floor in a perfect line.

3. I love how he walks over to Beckham's trashcan that has his diapers in them and then says "dirty" or "trash".

4. I love how when Parker wants you to chase him, he walks slowly away from you, looking over his shoulder giving you such a sweet little playful grin...then when I jump up to go chase him he runs runs runs giggling sooo playfully!!!

5. Parker has been waking up too early the past week...like around 5:30ish. However, I go in and get him and bring him to bed with me...getting to snuggle with him!!! I haven't gotten to snuggle like that since he was Beckham's age! Ohhh...feels SOOO wonderful! It makes having him up that early worth it.


What a great morning it has already been and it's only 8:30!! ha!!

Perfected in my love...

1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love".

When I was in college I attended a Bible study that my mom was teaching and this verse came up. That there should be no fear in God's love. My mom related perfect love to a mother and a child. Yesterday I experience this- seeing that Parker was perfected in my love...

I went to a birthday party at the Little Gym. I was out in the waiting room getting Beckham wrapped up in my sling and I ushered Parker into the gym part so he could start playing. Well, he stood by the door and wouldn't touch any of the beloved gym accessories that he so dearly loved to play on. While I was wrapping Beckham up I could see him...just standing there...I thought..."that's weird, he LOVES this place- I wonder why he is just standing there, looking so scared and shy". Well, I realized the minute I walked into the room with him all fear was gone...he immediately ran away and began to play hard on anything and everything he could touch and was running around dancing and falling on the floor having the time of his life. Parker was perfected in my love...when mommy was gone- fear came in- when mommy was there everything was ok, because he knew mommy would keep him safe and mommy loved him.

This was just one example of the many times I get to live seeing Parker perfected in my love...it makes my heart so filled with joy, because I know right now he finds safety and comfort in my love for him. I am a source of security for him and it thrills me.

It also is amazing that God gives us earthly examples of how we should feel in HIS love! HE loves us more that anyone on this earth and we, being perfected in his love, should not fear anything because our "daddy" is here and with us no matter what!

Beautiful picture....

A new mommy of two...

On October 8th at 12:26am my little world changed from being mommy of Parker to being mommy of Parker and Beckham. Wow...what a morning that was. So here is my recollection of the past month...

Thursday, October 7th, I decided it was time to blog. I wrote to my precious little Parker, telling him how much I loved him and how he would always be my little boy even though my heart was about to expand to love another little boy. Man, am I glad I did that blog, because little did I know, my water would break that very evening causing me to deliver earlier that I was expecting.

October 7th was such a wonderful day. Blake came home early from the auction, and while Parker was still napping, we had such wonderful quality time, relaxing on the bed talking about life. Once Parker woke up, the 3 of us laid in bed, eating snacks and watching cartoons...it was heaven and I will always be grateful to the Lord for giving me that afternoon with my boys.

At 8:30pm- that night- Parker was asleep, and Blake and I were eating pizza watching a movie and all of the sudden...woosh! My water broke. It wasn't a lot, so I wasn't sure if that's really what happened, so I called the nurse and was advised to pack my bags and get up to the hospital. Wow...I began to panic...however, Blake calmed me down- Twyla came over and spent the night with Parker and Blake and I rushed up to the hospital to welcome our new little Beckham Cole Theiss, 9lbs, 8oz, into the world. After all of that- I knew God had a perfect plan with that surprise and I would not have changed any of it!

So, now I am a mommy of two. Wow, that sounds so weird and so grown up! It has been 3 weeks and as I reflect on the past 3 weeks, I can say that it has been an emotional roller-coaster! Not being able to pick Parker up for 2 weeks and not be able to rough house with him was probably the hardest part. I cried more times when I had to tell Parker that I couldn't hold him or pick him up, and watch the tears in his eyes ask me why. Oh, I hated that.

However, I am recovered physically, and now that Blake is back to work, and my mom is back to work and now I am by myself taking care of these boys- it is SO fulfilling! It is SO fulfilling to be able to play with Parker and pick him up and run around with him. It is SO fulfilling to know that God is helping me with this new life and see how He enables me to somehow make this work! I am utterly exhausted from lack of sleep- however, God has given me energy and excitement every morning to start my new day!

So...even though I have only put 3 weeks under my belt- I know that God is good and God is faithful and I know that He sees the desires of my heart and the desires I have to enjoy raising my boys...and I know that he will enable me to enjoy these years!!! Praise God!!!!

My heart is pounding....

To my sweet Parker:
I sit here typing this to you as I remember when you came into my world. I never knew the love my heart could have until I began to watch you, my own flesh and blood, grow every day. Every stage you entered I could not imagine loving another stage more than that one- and then you would transition and the excitement and love for each new stage grew more and more. You are my precious little angel, and I love you more than you will ever know.

On Monday, God will bring your baby brother into this world. My heart is so excited to see him and to love him, yet so anxious at the thought of you not being my only child. To get to wake up every day and be just your mommy is one of my greatest life thrills- I'm anxious to think of having to share my heart with another child. I hope that you know you are still my precious baby...I love you so much no matter what you do or don't do- I will love you forever even when I can't give you the attention that you are used to.

As tears stream down my face while I write this- please know I cherish you....I cherish every little teeny tiny moment with you...when we take bubble baths and watch cartoons, when we sit and eat breakfast together and talk about nothing, when you turn and hug and kiss me after I brush your teeth, when you run from me while we play hide and seek, when you light up in the morning when I come in to get you...the list goes on and on...I love everyday with you and I am so happy that I get to be your mommy.

Blake- thank you for being the husband and father you are. Thank you for taking a step in faith and allowing me the opportunity to stay home and raise our children. Everyday when you come home from work- I still feel that excited flutter when I hear the garage door open. You come in and make our little world exciting. I love you more than I did 10 years ago when we began dating and I am so appreciative of how involved you are in our child's life. You truly are my partner and my soul mate and I love you very much.

Heavenly Father, thank you for entrusting a little child to me. Thank you for teaching me in an earthly manner more about the love you have for me through the love I have for my child. Thank you that you ALLOW me to enjoy and love these tender moments in my child's life and thank you that no matter how fulfilling motherhood can be- I MUST be fulfilled first in you before my heart can be filled with my love for my children. Thank you, that you have allowed another precious child to grow within me and I trust that you will enable me to love my little Beckham just as much as my sweet Parker....