Sneak!

The boys had my phone while I was working on something at Office Depot!  They thought it would be fun to take pics!  Hehehe...

So precious

The boys are playing in the sprinkler on the trampoline and they decided to collect the water underneath it.  They have pretty much every collection device possible underneath :). Love days like this!

Cute Parkerisms....

Two cute Parkerisms I had to write down so I wouldn't forget....
1. He calls the yoke of his boiled egg "cheese"...mommy, I don't really like a lot of cheese in my egg...just a little bit.  Haha...love that!!
2.  When he sings "I'll fly away" and gets to the part of "Gods celestial shores"....he says "Gods celestial SHORTS!"  :). I love those sweet and funny things he does as he is learning life!!!

Five years of being "mommy"...

Well, today is over....my little boy turned five today.  Oh, five years...it's amazing how when you look back you only see the blissful memories.  I love that.  I love that I only remember the joy filled moments and not the "terrible 3's" type moments.  :)

So here we are and my Parkerman is such an amazing joy to raise.  He has turned into quite the little boy, and I stand in awe at God's grace.  God's grace in seeing that even though I have my "terrible mommy" moments, Parker still loves me so unconditionally.  That even though I have made oodles of mistakes in "judgement calls", God has produced good.  It shows me, even in this early stage of parenting, that no parent...can EVER take credit for how their kids turn out...good or bad....and it reminds me, that though he is such a precious child now, the battle is not won...I must stay on my knees every day, praying over his character, his heart to fall in love with Jesus, and for his mind to hunger and thirst for righteousness.

Raising children is such a refining event.  God breaks me on a daily basis...showing me that I cannot do this on my own, and I cannot do this in my own power.  I come to him broken so often...."God, please produce good in these children.", "are you sure I am qualified for this job?"  :).  He assures me, that because I have children, He thinks I am qualified...so I must turn my eyes upon Jesus.

Parkerman, today was a blast.  I had fun celebrating YOU, and rejoicing with you over your special day.  I enjoyed making it special and I am so so thankful that God gave me you.  I hope that just as I do, you will look back on your life and remember the joy, and the fun that we shared and see and feel the intense love that I have for you.  I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be!!!!!!  :)

Love,
Mommy

Am I just like them?

This morning I am sitting here reading through Exodus and I find myself wanting to just close this book in utter discussed at how the Israelites groan so much.  They just experienced the massive faithfulness of The Lord in astronomical ways, such as the overwhelming plagues to get them free, the Red Sea parting, bitter water made sweet, bread falling from heaven, etc, and the minute something goes wrong they start grumbling...assuming God has brought them out to the wilderness to die.  I got through chapter 16 when it hit me...I am no different.  I have seen God's massive faithfulness and hand out here, and the minute things felt hard...homesickness hit...I began to grumble.  The Holy Spirit brought conviction to my heart like a spot light.  Here I was judging the Israelites..."They make me sick!  Just do what The Lord says and QUIT GRUMBLING!!...I would NEVER have acted like that!"  Oops...I guess I have.  My pridefulness reminds me that "God opposes the proud, but gives GRACE to the humble".  Father, forgive the grumbles of my heart...forgive me for focussing on my heart sickness instead of your past faithfulness!  You know after every miracle, God tells them to do something so that they will remember it and be able to tell their children about it...he even tells them to keep an omer of manna so they can remember he provided their food for them.  THAT is why I MUST remember...I must continue to write down when God's faithfulness makes big waves and then go back and read them, when my heart is heavy with a trial.  THANKYOU God!  Thankyou for your firm hand in convicting me this morning through your word.  Thankyou for your love and gentleness and for encouragement even when there is a reprimand.  

My stinky boys...boring post for most eyes :)

Ok, so I realized I have not done a blog posting updating on the boys and what they are doing, so for the sake of my memories, here goes!  For most eyes, other than grandparents or family....you may want to skip this post :)

Parkerman:

He is almost 5 years old and an absolute JOY to have around.  He is so compassionate and is such an amazing "daddy" to all of his stuffed animals.  He will feed them, make sure they get naps and snuggle with them, not wanting to hurt their feelings.  I absolutely adore that part of my little man.  On the flip side he is exactly that...a little MAN.  He loves to burp and fart and rough house and try and pee on you...he loves to shoot his toy guns and go hunting with daddy.  He loves to run and play soccer, though organized soccer wasn't quite his strong suit this year.  I think he needs to grow up just a little bit and learn that it really is ok for someone on your team to have the ball instead of you.  ;). ---He still LOVES to be with his family, he would rather be no where else.  I work out at the YMCA and my precious boy willingly with a happy heart goes to the childcare area...but makes it very clear he would rather be at home.

-The Lord brought another Christian momma into my life who has kids Parker and Beckhams age, we do preschool homeschool 3 days a week and Parker has finally...at 4.5 gotten interested in school stuff.  I thought it would never happen!  However, the curriculum we use is so amazing and the majority of it is "learn through play" kind of stuff.  The kids also ADORE each other.

-Parker wants to please so badly, and loves affirmation.  Well, he got lucky, because my sprititual gift is encouragement, and I love nothing more than to encourage my babies.

-He is still in speech therapy, but slowly starting to make improvements.  We are still working on the "k" sound and the "f" sound when he talks.
-The other day, Parker came in and told me that he had a dream that "all of these womens were kissing him"...after I died laughing, I told him the only womens who needed to be kissing him was MOMMY!  So the next morning, he came in and told me that he dreamed he married me :). MUCH better!!

-He loves to make people laugh and definitely has learned the art of playing jokes on people.  He loves to play hide and seek, duck duck goose, and LOVES to dress up in super hero outfits.  He also loves to drive his powerwheels, ride his bike and drive remote controlled cars.

-He so desperately wants to have a relationship with God, and wants to go to heaven and see Great Grandpa  when he dies, and on November 24, 2013, I heard him quietly praying in the back seat of the car asking Jesus to save him, after he and I had a long discussion about Jesus and salvation. I loved that so much.  I love teaching him about The Lord, and pouring my passion for Him into my children.  I pray that Parker and Beckham would hunger and thirst for righteousness and would live a life bearing fruit to their faith.

I love my sweet Parkerman more than words could describe and I love not only being his mommy, but also having no friendship with him too.  This is a whole new world.  I love learning to love what he loves and playing with him.  

Beckham:

Oh my little Beckham.  I love this firecracker of a child with my whole heart.  Beckham...how can someone who you love so intensely, push all of your buttons with equal intensity?  Hahaha!  Beckham is either super happy or super crabby!!!!  Ha!  This child has no in between (which apparently his mother has those qualities :)).  Everytime he laughs a lot he gets the hiccups.  He is fully potty trained, even at night time.  

He still has a hard time with speech articulation and is about to start speech therapy with Parker.  I understand him the majority of time, but most people have a hard time.

He still loves his "b-b", which is his blanket.  He is now having "I'm scared of the dark" moments at night, and will find himself sleeping on the floor next to my bed at night.

He still LOVES to snuggle with me...and still loves to be rocked at night.  

He too is a pleaser and always wants people to be happy.  If Parker looks sad, he will give Parker whatever he wants to make him happy.  It's so incredibly sweet.  His favorite answer to every question...no matter what the question is, is "poo-poo".  

I love this child so so much, and love being his mommy...though he can drive me crazy sometime :) :).

This holiday season...

This holiday season has been so different for me...good and bad.  The new feeling of homesick hit me on the way home from our time with family over thanksgiving.  I realized that my heart ached for my "old life" in a way that I haven't experience up here yet.  My heart ached for our family times, for our church home, for our friends and even for our old home...the home that I began doing grown up life in with my little family.  I fully expected this to come at some point, but hadn't experienced it yet since coming up here.  I guess the realization has finally hit that this is it...our life has changed....permanently.  As we were driving back up here from a family visit at the ranch, I told Blake....I feel like we are just gone on vacation and that it's time to drive back to our old house...it's time to go home...yet I can't go home...it's not mine anymore.  It made my heart ache so deeply.  The tears have come and gone, the struggle I think will be here for a while before it subsides.  

So this holiday season we came back and I got all of the decorations out for Christmas.  Well, let's just say I was so pleased with how it all turned out.  I loved it.  So then I immediately began plans for our "normals" during the Christmas season.  Lots and lots of Christmas music, looking at lights every night in our PJs and lots of Christmas movie watching...along with our "adornments" at dinner time where we go through the names of Jesus.  Well, let's just say....Parker learned the meaning of "baa humbug house" really quickly!  Hahaha!  Oh my...these people out here do NOT appreciate the art of Christmas lights like they do back in good ole Atascocita, Tx!!  So, we desperately went out night after night looking for something that resembled a Christmas spirited neighborhood, and night after night came home disappointed.  I tell you what...that was a hard thing for me...our blissful tradition of looking at lights was somewhat crushed this year!  Well, Lord?  Are you teaching me that Christmas is more that Christmas lights and traditions???  Hmmm...maybe, just maybe, my joy was wrapped up in the wrong stuff?  I think that's what God has truly been working on me out here.  That the joy of the LORD is my strength...not the joy of traditions, and the joy of external things.  By the way...have I mentioned how faithful and good God is???  I love Him so much...I absolutely love being in the lonely, deep waters with HIM...that's the only way I can stay afloat!  Anyways, I have been seeing God work on my weaknesses of feeling anxious in this new life of mine.  Anxiety rivets from looking at my circumstances and feeling somewhat alone.  Blake is here, and has had amazingly awesome family time with us, but still...he is working full time and going to school full time.  I do life a lot with my precious boys, by myself.  That's a new, kind of scary feeling.  But then that gentle voice inside of me.  Oh that beautifully wonderful gentle voice, says..."but I'm here...you aren't alone".  I hear Him comfort me with His word,that He will give me wisdom without reproach, and He will help me know what to do and how to handle certain situations.  This is a new world He has gently...and I mean GENTLY placed me in.  Though my little predictable, perfect world has been completely and drastically changed, I can truly see my heavenly Fathers GENTLE hand in all of it.  He is REFINING me in ways that I have always wanted to be refined.  He is making me into the woman I need to be, and it had to be through something like this for me to be left so crazy vulnerable.  Though my heart still aches a little everyday right now, I have such a peace...I know I am in the fire right now...but I know it will not destroy me and I know that I will come out of the fire better.  Praise be to God, I love you Lord...I love you with my innermost being and trust that my pain had to pass through your hands first before it hit my life.

Ok, so with all of that said.  Tonight, we got the opportunity to go to a Christmas hayride at a church down the street.  I had given up my "traditions" to The Lord...I had let the part die this year, as sad as it was...then The Lord gave me and the boys this...the pictures hardly did it justice, but it was amazing.  At one point we pull up to a barn setting where there are people singing Christmas carols...I seriously almost started to cry...I felt my insides drink the sight of Christmas spirit in like a dry sponge and I really did want to just burst into joyful tears of gratitude to The Lord for such a special night.  We went through tunnels of Christms lights, movies clips of the Christmas story, live carollers, and then ended the night with hot chocolate, Christmas cookies and popcorn.  My heart overflowed!!