Today

Some sweet things I love about my boys, I need to write down so that I don't forget them :)

-One of my favorite things in the world is after I feed Beckham at night, I give him his pacifier and he snuggles up on my chest while I rock him....I looooooove that time....I love snuggling with him.
-Watching Parker help daddy pick up the yard clippings. He was SO proud of himself at how strong he was to carry those big clippings over to their pile. I also, love how Parker loves our little life...he loves sitting out on the drive way...or us sitting out there watching him play. He loves putting his sippy cup in the cup holder spot on our folding chair like a big boy.
-How excited Parker was today to watch me play the flute
-How Beckham gets SO excited to see me, or daddy, or anyone really :) Last night at church, the nursery lady was holding him and I walk up to him and he got so giddy and happy, I just wanted to squuuuuueeeeeze him and kiss him as much as I could!
-I love how when I say "where's mommy, Beckham?" he looks right at me.
-I love how you can call Beckham and he will crawl so excitedly to you
-I love how when we tell Parker something and we say "ok?" at the end of our statement...he will say "yes mommy".....it's SOOO cute
-He was SOOOO precious today...just so obedient and so good; it made me SO proud of him. I know he will have his rebellious days and I know he will have his days where he is terrible, but man...today- I will cherish :)
-I love how I bought Parker a new sippy cup today and he was SO excited about it...so proud of it and loved drinking out of it.
-I love how enamored Parker is with me right now. He wants my attention all of the time, "look mommy!!!", "Mommy, what's that?", "Mommy, look at me!", "Mommy, I did it!", "Mommy, play in my room?", "Mommy, jump on your bed?", "Mommy, I get my stool (to help me cook)". "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy!!".....I just LOVE that he loves being around me and spending time with me and showing me things and wanting me to watch him and be amazed by him. :)

OK, well, that's enough for today. It was a great day. I just love my boys soooo much.

he thinks I'm a failure....but does HE?

Everyday I wake up I look at myself...I pull my big girl panties up and I start my day excited to spend it with my little sunshines. I think it's apparent that I LOVE being a mommy, I LOVE time with my little family and I cherish the moments not wanting to lose this precious sweet time. However, everyday, there is this inner voice...he points out everything I do wrong as a mommy. He points out when I lose my temper or when I am frustrated with my boys, or when I am not the housewife I know my husband wants....he points out that I am a failure as a mommy and reminds me of every fault at the end of the day. Cathy, you lost your temper, you didn't read books to Beckham, you didn't spend enough quality time with Parker, you are selfish, you didn't pick up the house the way Blake wants it, you didn't make life fun today for your kids and you might as well give up trying to be a good wife or mother because it won't happen...you are too much of a failure. That is what I listen to a LOT and recently I have realized that is what Satan is telling me...he wants me to think I am a failure....but HE, my heavenly Father, DOESN'T! The Bible tells me in Philippians 4:8 that whatever is TRUE, whatever is HONORABLE, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything WORTHY OF PRAISE, think about these things. The Bible also tells me that Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy. He, Satan, wants to destroy me...he wants me defeated and he wants me to give up...WHY? Because I am the very one that spends one-on-one time with my children...my boys...everyday- teaching them about Jesus and what it is to live a life of freedom and joy and power...and teaching them to live on mission! So how can my boys learn to love Jesus with all of there hearts and how can they learn to live in freedom and on mission if their mommy has been in bondage and defeat all of their life. Satan wants my joy stolen, he wants my excitement in raising my boys to be killed and the very way he can achieve that is by attacking my view of myself as a mother. If I feel like a failure every day- I am going to start truly believing that and then start living in failure. When I mess up...when I lose my cool or when I am not acting like "super mom"- it doesn't mean that I have failed as a mother- it doesn't mean that my children will be screwed up because of the times I fail them. I WILL FAIL- it's going to happen- but what I need to be FOCUSED on is what to do AFTER I fail...do I wallow in it, or do I get back up- confess my sin to my heavenly Father...know that HE has FORGIVEN me, know that I am no longer under condemnation (Romans 8:1), claim it and then turn around and live in victory! I am NEW again...when I feel like a failure I cannot enjoy my boys the way I do when I am living a spirit filled life...a life of victory and joy- and I can ONLY gain that when I have my focus on the Lord and HIS POWER!!!!
Satan may think I am a failure....but I know HE, my heavenly FATHER does NOT, and I know that where the Spirit of the Lord is there is FREEDOM and I PRAISE GOD that I have His Spirit in me. It's a CONSTANT battle...the Bible tells me that it will be a constant battle. I know that I will need to remind myself DAILY of this, but that's how God WANTS it. He wants me to have to come to Him DAILY to be reminded of the power I have to live in Him and I hope that I will never be at a place in life where I don't need my daily drink of the living water to survive.

Praise be to God....thank you Father for helping me express my heart in this journal- thank you that I now have a written piece of my heart that I can come back to and remind myself of and most of all THANK YOU that no matter what Satan throws at me...you have power and dominion over all rulers and authorities in this world!

He said I was pretty....

I hope I never forget the times where my sweet Parkerman caresses my hair and says "Mommy's pretty"......every time he does that my heart MELTS!

My boo bear is 10 months!!

I can hardly believe that Beckham Cole is already 10 months!!! Oh my goodness...he is SUCH A JOY to my HEART! Beckham is my baby...because as an infant I was the one who held him ALL-OF-THE-TIME and I am the one who primarily holds him now, you can tell that he is one heck of a momma's boy, and I LOVE it!! :) So, here we go...what is my great big 10 month old up to these days?

1. He has ONE tooth!
2. He is eating on his own a lot of things like...
-grilled cheese cut up
-scrambled eggs
-Cheerios
-black beans
-chicken nuggets cut up
-gold fish
-crackers
3. He still only says "ma ma ma ma" or "bu bu bu bu bu"
4. He crawls with one knee and the other foot pushing him along
5. He LOVES bath time. He rolls around and stands up and sits down and stands up and sits down.
6. He loves the swimming pool. He will stick his face IN the water and blow bubbles
7. He thinks EVERYTHING is funny. He smiles, open mouthed, all of the time!!
8. He goes to bed at 7pm, and wakes up anywhere from 7-8 (sometimes he sleeps that straight through and sometimes he gets up once during the night)
9. He cruises around and has tried to take a step hands free, but "eats it".
10. I LOVE reading books with him and rocking him
11. I LOVE when he wakes up in the morning and getting to go in and pick him up and love on him first thing.
12. I LOVE when he was gone with Blake for a few hours and when I saw him I was SO happy to see him, realizing I had MISSED him so so much!
13. I LOVE how he longs for me to hold him when he is grouchy
14. I LOVE when I tickle him and he LAUGHS LAUGHS LAUGHS
15. I LOVE how when I am holding him on my hip, he will lean over and try and look at my face...it's sooo cute!

I LOVE you boo bear...more than you will ever know!!! Happy 10 month birthday!!!!

Love,
Mommy :)