Tears in my eyes...

Today- I was listening to KSBJ and they had Steven Curtis Chapman on there talking a little about the tragedy they experienced of losing their 5 year old daughter- it was an accident in front of their house that changed their world forever. As I was sitting in my car listening to him I started to put myself in their shoes...I started thinking how devastating it would be to not ever see my baby's smile again or never get to see and FEEL him run up to me and throw his arms around my neck. Tears began to well up when I thought I could never chase him around the house or play peak-a-boo or even have him come up to me crying longing for me to make it better. These types of thoughts flooded my mind to the point where if I didn't stop "empathizing" I would be bawling in my car! It was a huge experience for me- because the past couple of days/weeks off and on Parker has been really testing me, however, his WORST day would be the Chapman's dream if they could have their little girl back. Even though I may get frustrated with my little boy- I-STILL-HAVE-HIM! As my tears are falling down my cheeks I looked back at Parker who had fallen asleep in his car seat...so perfect and so sweet...I just wanted to crawl back there with him and snuggle with him and tell him "Baby boy, even when you are at your worst, I am so grateful I can see and touch you and hold you and love you and kiss you- you are my precious gift from God and no matter what you will always have my heart".

Today was such a wonderful day! First, Blake was off and it is always so fun when he is home to add excitement and joy to our everyday adventures. Today was nothing extraordinary, but in it's own way it was to me. I know that I only have a little over 6 weeks till Beckham makes his appearance and only 6 weeks where Parker gets my 100% attention.
The fun began as the three of us sat on the couch to eat our hamburgers for lunch and watch TV together. I, however, did not watch TV as I just sat and stared at my boys. Parker holding and eating his hamburger like such a big boy, next to Blake eating his hamburger and both of them staring at the TV with the same expression on their face. It was the cutest thing and I could not take my eyes off of them. I loved how Parker would hand his hamburger to daddy when he was ready to drink milk from his sippy cup or when he wanted to eat a french fry.
Later after getting home from the grocery store, we broke out the playdoh that I had purchased. So simple, yet so fulfilling to just sit and mash playdoh into different shapes; at one point daddy and Parker were making mustaches and I was taking pictures. It was so funny.We then came back to the bedroom and Parker and I laid on the bed and watched Sponge Bob on TV while daddy worked on the computer. For just a moment he laid next to me on the pillow...I loved it...I never wanted it to end. Then, from watching he and daddy jumping on the bed to playing with him on the floor to taking a walk in his red wagon- it was a day filled with joy...joy that filled my heart up making me yearn for the next day to come quicker so I can live it all over again.

After a string of days where Parker tested me emotionally and physically- I needed today- I needed a day that I wasn't having to correct him all day, a day that I could just be silly and laugh with him all day, a day that I could enjoy my baby boy for all that he is!

I love you just because you're you

Tonight as I was getting Parker ready for bed, I read a book to him called "I love you just because". It is the most precious book and as I am reading it I feel my heart, not my mouth, pouring out the words to my little boy. So here is my own version....

Parker-
I love you when you laugh so hard you get the hiccups
I love you when you run and play hide and seek
I love you when you throw a tantrum over something insignificant
I love you when you clap for me after I dance
I love you when you hate my cooking
I love you when you love my cooking
I love you when you have stinky diapers
I love you when you get out of the bath tub and smell so clean
I love you when you dance around in the shower
I love you when you walk into a room and say "Hiiiii dada"!
I love you when you laugh and chase the dogs
I love you when you dance when Sponge Bob comes on
I love you when you run up to me and kiss me and bear hug me
I love you when you run up to me crying needing my full attention
I love you when you disobey me
I love you when you obey me the first time
I love you when you are grouchy for no reason
I love you when you are super happy
I love you when you sleep
I love you when you don't sleep
I love you when you snuggle with me
I love you when you run off and do your own thing
I love you, my precious baby boy- I love you with all my heart and would give my life for you- I love you no matter what you do or what you don't do...I love you just because you're YOU!

Funny new things...

Tonight, as I was reading books to Parker before bed he started to tell me when he didn't like a book by waving his hands in front of it and saying "no" and then pushing it away. It was so funny and so cute.....

What's he sayin' and doin'???

Okay- so now Parkerman is a little over 17 months old so I thought it's time to update his words (real and "parker" words) and what he's learning!

1. "Hi!!" While sweetly waving
2. "No", but really sounds like "oh" and he waves his hand in front of his body
3. "It's hot!" Even if it's cold- everything is HOT!
4. "Hiiii dada!!"
5. "Gigi"- even though we aren't sure if he knows what he is talking about as he says it a lot
6. "Zeta"- which is my sister-in-law's dog, however he is not really saying this name because he calls a lot of things Zeta and he RARELY sees Zeta.
7. "Eat"
8. "Uh-oh"
9. "Ma ma" & "da da"
10. "Wha-duh?"
11. What a choo choo train says
12. What a ducky says
13. "1...2....3!!!!" (really sounds like uhh, duhh, EEEE!!!!)
14. What a puppy dog says
15. "Cheese!!!!!"
16. "Shoe"
17. "Shuuh??" as he points at everything


He has also learned in the past months:
-To open doors
-Use a spoon
-Use sign language for "more" and "milk"
-He knows how to open the dog kennel
-Give kisses and hugs
-Turn off and on the water
-Where to go to "get his hair done" (bathroom- as we spike his hair up with gel now :) )
-When I tell him to go do things he goes and does them
-Put his toys away
-He had his first sessions at the Little Gym
-JUMP into the water and off of the kitchen counter into daddy's arms
-How to dance
-Who Sponge Bob Square Pants is
-Where is nose, ears, teeth, tongue, belly button, and feet are
-Where Baby Beckham is and has learned to kiss baby Beckham (in mommy's belly)
-Where airplanes are and points at them every time they fly by
-How to "dunk" the basket ball in the basket
-How to blow on his food when it's hot!

Well- I think that's a good update for what's goin' on with our little man since I updated at 14 months. As he grows and develops it gets more fun and more fun!!!!

What a wonderful morning I have had!

So this morning about 6:30 I felt like God was trying to wake me up to spend time with Him. Saturday and Sunday I overslept and by the time I woke up Parker was READY to get up and I didn't have my quiet time with the Lord first. So, today, I felt God was quietly tapping my shoulder saying..."Wake up, my love...you need me today". From bad terrible dreams to my cell phone ringing- something kept waking me up- so I finally just got up and grabbed my Bible. Ohh..it was SO good to have that time with the Lord and connecting with Him- learning and being reminded that rebellion/disobedience leads to darkness and depression because when you are with the Lord and in fellowship the utter joy and fulfillment you receive is so amazing that when you are away from it...even just two days like I was...you feel void of that joy and fulfillment! So today- before I could start my day HE filled me up with Him and reminded me that Blake nor Parker nor anyone else could fill my heart and emotional needs the way He is. One verse that really stuck in my head was Psalm 62:2 "He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken". What a beautiful picture for a "needy" wife/woman/mother as I am to read! I will NEVER BE SHAKEN!!! However, the pre-req to that is that I MUST be found in my heavenly Father's fortress! When I am there- I cannot be shaken...no amount of exhaustion or disappointment or worry can shake me! Yummy stuff I got to eat this morning!

So after that- I didn't think my day could get much better- until I heard the baby gate open to our bedroom and my smiling little happy boy running in to greet me!!! (side note- Blake had gotten up and gotten him out of bed :) ) Then after breakfast Parker had grabbed the laundry basket so we played with that as he would turn it over and JUMP off onto the couch! Laughing the whole time- thus I was laughing the whole time! Then we put Sancho our Boston Terrier in the laundry basket and the excitement on Parker's face when he saw me do that was priceless! So we pushed Sancho around the house in the laundry basket, Parker squealing with delight and laughing and Nika the boxer dog chasing us barking at us.....can life get any better than this??? I had a million things to do, but running around with Parker, tickling him on the couch and pushing dogs around and HIM around in the laundry basket and playing hide and seek all while getting little kisses and hugs from him paid off WAY more that my to-do list will ever! It's mornings like this that show me how mmmm mmmmm good life is!

Good Reminder

Yesterday, as I was visiting with long-time family friends one of the ladies made a comment to me. "These years (referring to Parker's age) go by a little slow, but as they start getting older it goes faster and faster....I wish I could get some of that time back, because I was too busy to notice all of the little moments". That really made an impact on my heart, because even though I cherish every single little moment, it is so easy to forget to do that on a bad day or a "grouchy" day and think that there is always tomorrow to cherish moments and tomorrow is forever away, but it's really not! I know that once little Beckham is here my life is going to speed up; my attention no longer can be given 100% to Parker. I can see that once my attention is divided it will be easy for me to lose little sweet moments while I am running in the fast lane of this new life. As I sit here typing this blog, I anticipate having to go get Parker out of his bed from his WAY too short of a nap-time. Before I started typing this, I heard him in his bed start to whine and it caught me off guard! "What??? What in the world is he doing up so early?!? I still need a little more ME time!". As I was walking to his room he quieted down and I thought...I need to stop, and come in here and type up a posting for my blog. Yes, today is a somewhat slow day, and yes, I am physically exhausted, but I now have 5-6 more hours to go spend loving on my little man and playing hard with him, before it's time for bed. These years are fleeting....there will be a time that Parker and his siblings go to school for 8 hours and I only get them on weekends and breakfast/dinner during the week and I will long for these days of spending so much time with him to come back!!

Well, he is definitely screaming now...but as I go in to get him, I have a new attitude...I am going to cherish my day and cherish watching him eat his little sandwich for lunch and go play in the sprinkler outside and I am going to cherish our alone time and the hugs and kisses I will get the rest of the day! Thank you God, for stopping me today, so that I could reflect on how beautiful of a day and beautiful of a life I have getting to be a mommy!
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Now- as I come back to this blog posting- it's the end of the day and Parker is in bed sound asleep for the night...we had a beautiful afternoon, from him helping me wash my car, to playing in the water hose, to pool time, to holding hands on the car-ride back, to mac-n-cheese, to a bubble bath together as we watched Sponge Bob Square Pants on the TV in my bathroom, to reading books, and then snuggling as Parker fell into deep sleep- today could have been long and drudging, but when I stopped and re-evaluated and realized that today is what I make it- it turned into memory after memory that filled my heart with joy.