Today

Some sweet things I love about my boys, I need to write down so that I don't forget them :)

-One of my favorite things in the world is after I feed Beckham at night, I give him his pacifier and he snuggles up on my chest while I rock him....I looooooove that time....I love snuggling with him.
-Watching Parker help daddy pick up the yard clippings. He was SO proud of himself at how strong he was to carry those big clippings over to their pile. I also, love how Parker loves our little life...he loves sitting out on the drive way...or us sitting out there watching him play. He loves putting his sippy cup in the cup holder spot on our folding chair like a big boy.
-How excited Parker was today to watch me play the flute
-How Beckham gets SO excited to see me, or daddy, or anyone really :) Last night at church, the nursery lady was holding him and I walk up to him and he got so giddy and happy, I just wanted to squuuuuueeeeeze him and kiss him as much as I could!
-I love how when I say "where's mommy, Beckham?" he looks right at me.
-I love how you can call Beckham and he will crawl so excitedly to you
-I love how when we tell Parker something and we say "ok?" at the end of our statement...he will say "yes mommy".....it's SOOO cute
-He was SOOOO precious today...just so obedient and so good; it made me SO proud of him. I know he will have his rebellious days and I know he will have his days where he is terrible, but man...today- I will cherish :)
-I love how I bought Parker a new sippy cup today and he was SO excited about it...so proud of it and loved drinking out of it.
-I love how enamored Parker is with me right now. He wants my attention all of the time, "look mommy!!!", "Mommy, what's that?", "Mommy, look at me!", "Mommy, I did it!", "Mommy, play in my room?", "Mommy, jump on your bed?", "Mommy, I get my stool (to help me cook)". "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy!!".....I just LOVE that he loves being around me and spending time with me and showing me things and wanting me to watch him and be amazed by him. :)

OK, well, that's enough for today. It was a great day. I just love my boys soooo much.

he thinks I'm a failure....but does HE?

Everyday I wake up I look at myself...I pull my big girl panties up and I start my day excited to spend it with my little sunshines. I think it's apparent that I LOVE being a mommy, I LOVE time with my little family and I cherish the moments not wanting to lose this precious sweet time. However, everyday, there is this inner voice...he points out everything I do wrong as a mommy. He points out when I lose my temper or when I am frustrated with my boys, or when I am not the housewife I know my husband wants....he points out that I am a failure as a mommy and reminds me of every fault at the end of the day. Cathy, you lost your temper, you didn't read books to Beckham, you didn't spend enough quality time with Parker, you are selfish, you didn't pick up the house the way Blake wants it, you didn't make life fun today for your kids and you might as well give up trying to be a good wife or mother because it won't happen...you are too much of a failure. That is what I listen to a LOT and recently I have realized that is what Satan is telling me...he wants me to think I am a failure....but HE, my heavenly Father, DOESN'T! The Bible tells me in Philippians 4:8 that whatever is TRUE, whatever is HONORABLE, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything WORTHY OF PRAISE, think about these things. The Bible also tells me that Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy. He, Satan, wants to destroy me...he wants me defeated and he wants me to give up...WHY? Because I am the very one that spends one-on-one time with my children...my boys...everyday- teaching them about Jesus and what it is to live a life of freedom and joy and power...and teaching them to live on mission! So how can my boys learn to love Jesus with all of there hearts and how can they learn to live in freedom and on mission if their mommy has been in bondage and defeat all of their life. Satan wants my joy stolen, he wants my excitement in raising my boys to be killed and the very way he can achieve that is by attacking my view of myself as a mother. If I feel like a failure every day- I am going to start truly believing that and then start living in failure. When I mess up...when I lose my cool or when I am not acting like "super mom"- it doesn't mean that I have failed as a mother- it doesn't mean that my children will be screwed up because of the times I fail them. I WILL FAIL- it's going to happen- but what I need to be FOCUSED on is what to do AFTER I fail...do I wallow in it, or do I get back up- confess my sin to my heavenly Father...know that HE has FORGIVEN me, know that I am no longer under condemnation (Romans 8:1), claim it and then turn around and live in victory! I am NEW again...when I feel like a failure I cannot enjoy my boys the way I do when I am living a spirit filled life...a life of victory and joy- and I can ONLY gain that when I have my focus on the Lord and HIS POWER!!!!
Satan may think I am a failure....but I know HE, my heavenly FATHER does NOT, and I know that where the Spirit of the Lord is there is FREEDOM and I PRAISE GOD that I have His Spirit in me. It's a CONSTANT battle...the Bible tells me that it will be a constant battle. I know that I will need to remind myself DAILY of this, but that's how God WANTS it. He wants me to have to come to Him DAILY to be reminded of the power I have to live in Him and I hope that I will never be at a place in life where I don't need my daily drink of the living water to survive.

Praise be to God....thank you Father for helping me express my heart in this journal- thank you that I now have a written piece of my heart that I can come back to and remind myself of and most of all THANK YOU that no matter what Satan throws at me...you have power and dominion over all rulers and authorities in this world!

He said I was pretty....

I hope I never forget the times where my sweet Parkerman caresses my hair and says "Mommy's pretty"......every time he does that my heart MELTS!

My boo bear is 10 months!!

I can hardly believe that Beckham Cole is already 10 months!!! Oh my goodness...he is SUCH A JOY to my HEART! Beckham is my baby...because as an infant I was the one who held him ALL-OF-THE-TIME and I am the one who primarily holds him now, you can tell that he is one heck of a momma's boy, and I LOVE it!! :) So, here we go...what is my great big 10 month old up to these days?

1. He has ONE tooth!
2. He is eating on his own a lot of things like...
-grilled cheese cut up
-scrambled eggs
-Cheerios
-black beans
-chicken nuggets cut up
-gold fish
-crackers
3. He still only says "ma ma ma ma" or "bu bu bu bu bu"
4. He crawls with one knee and the other foot pushing him along
5. He LOVES bath time. He rolls around and stands up and sits down and stands up and sits down.
6. He loves the swimming pool. He will stick his face IN the water and blow bubbles
7. He thinks EVERYTHING is funny. He smiles, open mouthed, all of the time!!
8. He goes to bed at 7pm, and wakes up anywhere from 7-8 (sometimes he sleeps that straight through and sometimes he gets up once during the night)
9. He cruises around and has tried to take a step hands free, but "eats it".
10. I LOVE reading books with him and rocking him
11. I LOVE when he wakes up in the morning and getting to go in and pick him up and love on him first thing.
12. I LOVE when he was gone with Blake for a few hours and when I saw him I was SO happy to see him, realizing I had MISSED him so so much!
13. I LOVE how he longs for me to hold him when he is grouchy
14. I LOVE when I tickle him and he LAUGHS LAUGHS LAUGHS
15. I LOVE how when I am holding him on my hip, he will lean over and try and look at my face...it's sooo cute!

I LOVE you boo bear...more than you will ever know!!! Happy 10 month birthday!!!!

Love,
Mommy :)

A good reminder

Lately Parker has become more of a challenge- and I don't want that to sound negative like he is a "terrible two" or that he is a bad child....because that is not the case at all...however, because he is growing older and getting more of a will and realizing that he has choices he can make instead of just doing what mommy says- I have to devote more attention to making sure I raise him the way God would have me raise him. So that entails more discipline and stopping to address things and "reasoning" with my 2.5 year old and as any mom could identify that can wear on someone. So tonight I caught a glimpse of a blog posting I wrote last year titled "all he wanted was my attention" and that immediately struck a cord. It reminded me that no matter how much work I have to put into my children each day- this is only a brief period of my life....BRIEF....these sweet innocent, precious days with my little boys that love me so much and want to be with me all day everyday. Today, I was having lunch with a friend and she mentioned what would I do when my boys started to date....as I was thinking about it, I looked over at my sweet Beckham who was just gazing at me with lovey eyes...I thought....what am I going to do???? What am I going to do when my boys don't want to sit arm-to-arm on the couch with me- and what am I going to do when we go to a strange place and they don't want me to hold them or let them sit in my lap until they realize everything is OK. What am I going to do when Parker doesn't want me to come play in his room with him every day or play blocks with him....what am I going to do when I can't rock my boys to sleep or read them fun childrens books or sing to them to calm them down. What am I going to do when I can't play the "I love YOU more" game with Parker (and Beckham too:)). What am I going to do when my boys are men, and I am no longer "mommy", but "mom"????? That is a hard pill to swallow, and it VERY quickly brought my head back down to seeing the beauty of where we are at, no matter what the journey, no matter how testing your kids are and no matter how exhausted you are at the end of the day.....we must cherish, cherish, cherish, because one day, we will look back at these times and only think of the sweet, tender precious times. It's time to re-focus and re-center my way of thinking so that I can enjoy these times with my boys, yet still be ready to move on.

So, that was a GOOD reminder

As I sit here thinking....

Tonight, as I sit here thinking I am coming up with so many things that I love about the stages my boys are in...here are a few :) I feel so bad because I have so many more for Parker than for Beckham...but I have to realize that Parker is taking off in development, so he is going to have a lot more to talk about!

1. At bathtime- both boys take a bath together- Beckham is a wild man in the bathtub- he is rolling around on his belly to sitting to standing then he falls back down to sitting and SPLASHES! However, the cutest part is when I get the bath book out and the MINUTE I open the first page and start reading he gets the BIGGEST, HUGEST grin on his face and then stands up and watches while I read. SOO SOOOOOO cute!
2. I recently put a light switch extender on Parker's light switch...tonight when I came home from eating frozen yogurt with a friend, I happened to look over at Parker's room and his light was on...he was sound asleep...with his light ON! Hilarious!!!
3. Beckham's crawl- he crawls on one knee and pushes with his other foot.
4. When Parker points at something and says "What's that?????"
5. Parker is in a stage now where he has to have all of the doors shut...so I will walk around the corner and the laundry room door is closed, his bedroom door is closed, Beckham's bedroom door is closed and the bathroom door is closed. ha! So cute :)
6. We went to go check the mail tonight, and Parker, with his grocery cart :), was standing at the edge of the driveway and he looked up and yelled "BOON!!" for the moon...so cute!
7. Tonight when watching a movie with Parker before his bedtime, I looked down at his little feet that don't reach the edge of the couch...it was so sweet and I know that one day those feet will hang off the edge of the couch :( CHERISH the moments!
8. Parker asked me to sit next to him on the couch today when he was eating lunch and watching cartoons. MELT my heart! Ok, baby, I will sit next to you :)
9. When I ask Parker to say his Bible memory verse Psalm 119:10 and he will immediately say "With my WHOLE heart, I have sought GOD!!!!!" it and then get SOOO excited afterwards when Blake and I start cheering for him!
10. Parker LOVES the vacuum..I will come around the corner and he will have the vacuum out and be playing with it.
11. Today I said "Oh, my GOODNESS" and Parker repeated it word-for-word. Yikes! Better watch what I'm saying!
12. When we were in the Wal-Mart check-out, Parker had to put his Twizzlers on the conveyor belt...he laid them down and said "Bye Twizzlers" and then blew them a kiss! :)
13. He LOVES Icees!! Anytime we want to treat him to something, and Icee will do the trick.
So many sweet memories...I can't remember them all- but I LOVE them all!
14. When Parker gets excited about something he will say "loooook mommy!!!!!!" and then his eyes will be WIDE OPEN along with his mouth WIDE OPEN! So I will in turn say "WHOOOOAAAA!!!" and have my mouth WIDE OPEN and we will stand in awe....even if it's the fact that he turned his flash light on and hung it up in his tent by himself :)
15. Parker will ask me "what's that?" and when I tell him he will say "oh!"....in a way that is PRECIOUS!
16. Parker calls oatmeal "beeber"....so when Blake makes oatmeal, he will say "Daddy have beeber???", and Blake will say yes and Parker will say "myyy beeeberrrr toooooooo", asking for his own oatmeal. :)

Parker, the man!

Ok- well, Parker is officially 2 and a HALF! He is turning into SUCH a little boy and it thrills my heart and makes me sad all at the same time! So here is what he is up to!

-He told me the other day I was pretty....yep....I almost cried....that was the BEST!
-Every time he accidentally hits me and I say "ouchy, you hurt mommy", he will say "oh, sorry mommy"....("oh, sawdry mommy" is really what it sounds like :))
-When we were at the park today, he wanted me to climb up the rope ladder...so as I was climbing up to the top he said "good job, mommy"!
-After he says I love you, I will tell him "I love YOU more" and point at his chest...he will then point at my chest and say "I duv YOU moe" and we go back and forth...it's the best :)
-He loves asking me to cry..."mommy cry"...so I act like I am crying and he thinks it's hilarious...so then I say "are you going to give mommy hugs since I am crying?" and he says "ya!" and comes to give me hugs
-He is ALWAYS hungry..."my drundry, mommy"
-He tells me "my chaird", which is "I'm scared"- when it's dark, and he will cling to me. It's SUCH a wonderful feeling that he finds safety and comfort in me as his mommy
-He LOVES his little bubba
-He is learning how to be a gentleman by always opening my door and giving me his seat
-He'll say, "I'll be right back" and point at me exactly the way I point at him and say the same thing
-He LOVES his room...every time someone comes over he says "My room?" or if it's just Beckham and I, he will say "my room, Mommy? Mommy, bubba my room???" and he says it with SUCH excitement and hope that it really will happen!
-We are practicing "yes ma'am", and "no ma'am" and yes please and no thank-you.
-When I change his diaper I always say..."don't kick mommy...that hurts mommy", he would always say "hurrrrt mommy", "I kick this way!" and then kick in the opposite direction. :)
-We pray together....I ask him who or what he wants to pray for and he will tell me names. We also talk about what/who we want to thank God for...it's so special, getting to spend time talking about the Lord with him!!
-He loves coffee!!!! YIPPEE!!
-He loves going through the car wash...asks for it every time we drive by it.
-I will call for him in the house "Parrrkeerrrr" and he will yell back "YA???" hehe :)
-He loves to drive Beckham in the back of his truck

Ohhh...this boy....he is one of my life thrills. I love everything about him. It's such a joy to be his mommy. I love watching him everyday become more and more of a little boy. I LOVE getting to have little conversations with him since now I can understand him and he understands me. I love my roll. And even though there are days when I get SO frustrated with his "two's", I wouldn't trade them FOR THE WORLD...I wouldn't give up this life for anything! I love it!