Our fun

This summer Parker has his all time usuals he likes to do everyday...now they typically go in cycles, but when you are in that cycle he is rooooooooutine! I wanted to jot them down for sweet memory sake! He loves to get in my bike trailer and "go see if the swimming pool is open"...even if I've told him a hundred times it's not. Then on our way he will ask if there are snakes in a particular patch of grass and he will tell me that two certain trees that have red spray paint on them have bo-bo's. He loves to go on a truck drive and drive Beckham around in his power wheel truck. He will drive on the street in certain parts and at the same spot every time he will drive up onto the sidewalk. He will drive through the same set of bushes that hang out on to the sidewalk and die laughing every time looking over at me as if it were the first time. He will drive out onto the street everytime looking for the puddle of water he drove through one day even if that water might be dried up by then. He loves to go look for lady bugs in our neighbors yard, because one day we had hit the motherload of lady bugs. When we go to the park, he loves to drive his truck over to the fountain and throw rocks into it. He loves to play in the sprinkler in the backyard...but HE has turn on the water...he runs through the mud created by the sprinkler with his lawn mower and wants me to pour water on him as he slides down the slide. He wants juice and oatmeal first thing in the morning and always wants a blanket on his lap while sitting at the table. This little boy....I love intensely....he is a joy....and sweet precious love and an honor to raise!

My little Boo...he's 19 months

My little boo bear is now 19 months old.  What is he up to?

He waves at cars driving by when we are playing out on the driveway
He points and says "uh!!!" at every single truck that passes us on the road
He plays a little game where I will tell him to go sit in his seat at the table and he will go and stand behind my chair and say "uh!!" and I'll say "That's not your chair!!!" and he will go to the next chair and we will repeat till he gets to his chair.
He can fully feed himself and will pick up his bowl and start dancing it when he eats it all so that I will sing our "happy plate" song
He is starting to be able to attempt repeating words I say, for example..."Beckham, can you say bubbles??" and he will say "buh buh",  and so on...not really saying any words other than momma and dadda on his own.  ECI is coming out to evaluate his speech...he is delayed.
When we get to the top of a certain bridge he will start saying "uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" because the bumps on the road will make his voice quiver
He has been weaned from the PACI!!!!!!  Took it like a champ...one day I just put him down for a nap without it and he slept!  That was it!  PRAISE GOD!
He loves his big bubba and laughs so hard when they rough house...until Parker is too rough :/
He LOOOOOOVES bubbles and wants to play with and eat all of the time!
He is learning how to drive the Power Wheel.  Parker will help him steer, but he is still pretty distract-able....he'll see a pretty flower and either stop driving or keep his foot on the pedal and not look in front of him.
He LOVES the puppies
He's a great eater...pretty much eats whatever
He loves to play in the water and fill up buckets and pour the water into something else
He LOVES his brown blanket


He is just so cute...pretty high maintenance, but SO worth it.  I love that boo bear and his little giggly smile and personality is just the BEST!  I LOVE being his mommy!!!!!

Jesus loves me...He really does

I am reading a book (yes, I am READING, for those of you who know me) called "Jesus Loves Me" by H.L. Roush Sr.  It's a small, easy read, but wow, how it has truly begun the transformation process in my mind about Christ's love.  "God is Love", I have heard this a million, billion times in my life.  I was saved at 7 or 8 and just "knew" that God loved me.  However, it hasn't been till recently when I began to see the chains of bondage that fear had on me that I realized that I didn't truly understand that God- LOVES-ME!  I believed it, but didn't BELIIIIIIEEEVE it, if you know what I mean.  There is a time, when God takes a common concept and then graciously brings you to a point in life where He drives that concept home.  You "get" it all of the sudden.

Growing up, I had the most unconditional loving parents.  Never, NEVER did they withhold love for ANY reason.  Never!  I had a beautiful childhood, filled with love and safety.  However, I am still very self conscious of disappointing my parents or making them sad by something I have done...thus affecting their love towards me.  Isn't that interesting...for being a child who NEVER EVER EVER had love withheld for ANY reason- is scared that I will let my parents down.  I am almost 30 years old...married...a mother of two...and worried about what my mommy and daddy think about me.   Towards my in-laws- I feel that if I don't build up my "good things" list that I have done for the family, that I will no longer be loved by them, but as long as I am "doing", then they will love me.  Wow!  So as I am reading this book, I realized that I had that same "fear" towards God.  That He would withhold or be disappointed in me for not being the perfect Christian or making a wrong choice.  Now, please know, I am not referring to the discipline of God.  That is a very real deal and He really does discipline us, but I have a different fear.  I fear that His love would change if I did something that wasn't what He wanted and wasn't the perfect child for HIM.   I fear condemnation...

What am I learning?
That God IS love...that is who HE IS...He cannot separate Himself from loving us.  No matter what we do, He cannot change or fail His love for us.  Because that is who He is, no matter what I do or don't do, His love will be there, constant and faithful, despite my unfaithfulness...He WILL BE FAITHFUL to love me, no matter what!
That, even though I am struggling with total victory over fear, Jesus is walking with me through this battle and bringing me to the outcome of victory.  "None of this discouraged Him [Jesus] from overtaking them in their gloomy walk and patiently talking with them, until their eyes were opened once more to the reality of His presence with them, and their hearts were set on fire by His love".  ("Jesus loves me" talking about when Jesus was walking with the disciples and they accused Him of being a stranger, etc.)  Though I am not where I WANT to be, it's ok, He knows exactly where I am and where I am going and plans to walk me to that destination.
That earthly friendships are faulty and fail.  No matter how much I love a person or a friendship, it is going to fail.  That person I will at some point be let down by and I will let them down as well.  Jesus is a friend that NEVER will let down..he CANNOT fail you.  He knows EVERYTHING about you....EVERYTHING...you don't have to play the "get to know you" for Jesus to know you.  Those little areas about your life that you hide...HE KNOWS...and yet why, do we continuously seek others to get advice or to fulfill us?  Lately, I have had a hard time with Parker and church.  I'm teasing, but partly serious when I wonder if a demonic spirit comes upon him at church.  He cannot be separated from me, not even for a nano second while I go get something and immediately come back...he freaks out!  He screams and cries all morning and looks at other adults like they are the piece of chewed gum stuck on the bottom of his foot.  It often times leaves me speechless.  Anyways, I have sought advice from everyone...anyone who gives I will listen.  Well, lately, I realized that maybe this is a matter that I need to seek the Lord's advice on and the Lord only.  Maybe He is teaching me, that HE-IS-ENOUGH.  He knows Parker...HE REALLY KNOWS why Parker is acting the way his is...and yet I seek other's opinions over His?  Maybe God is teaching me to seek Him instead of others.

What a beautiful journey this is to freedom.  What a beautiful journey this is to "coming to the knowledge of truth" about my Lord and Savior!  I love that He loves me enough to bring me through this to see me liberated and free of any bondage of my life!  Father, you are all I need.

"To the King of the Ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, to you be honor and glory forever and ever, Amen!" 1 Timothy 1

A mother's love

As I sit here typing, I cannot explain the overflowing love that is welling up in me for my children.  I sit here wanting to type all of it out for the sole purpose of documenting this journey as a mother to two young boys...never to forget how precious they are to me and forcing me into cherishing every single little moment.  As I walk through my day- I will have moments of pure gratitude to my Heavenly Father- pure gratitude for the beauty of a moment with my children- pure gratitude for the health of my children- pure gratitude that I AM THE ONE HE chose to raise these babies- pure gratitude that MY womb held them.  They are in my care and oh...am I so grateful to my God!!!

I love sitting on the driveway blowing bubbles (that is now that Beckham doesn't try and DRINK them anymore!  whew!).  I love watching them "mow" the grass.  I love that no matter how tired or worn out I am and no matter how much I just want to SIT and relax- when Parker excitedly and longingly asks me to come play with him or to show me something I somehow get an energy burst to do it!  I love watching Beckham learn how to feed himself with a spoon and I love watching him develop into a little boy instead of my little baby (which he will always be, by the way :)).  I love how when I sit down and spread my arms asking Beckham to come hug me...he RUNS laughing the whole way and leaps into my arms holding tight.  I love watching them feed the ducks.  I love watching them play in the backyard.  I love that even though Beckham doesn't talk- when I ask him questions like "do you love mommy??"...he nods his head!  (he also nods his head to "do you eat poo poo, but who cares- I love asking him anyways and seeing him nod!  ha!)  I love that no matter how fussy Beckham can be (and he is SO FUSSY ALL DAY) all he has to do is laugh or smile at you or snuggle close to you and your heart is in his hands!  I love getting excited with my boys...about who knows what.  I love playing with them, I love being with them, I love rocking them at night, I love how tender and sweet their hearts are, I love how shy Parker is.  OH, I love them so much.  I love having picnics on the grass with them...I love laying on the grass with Parker.  I love laying in bed with Parker talking about life.  I love that they both love coffee!!  :)

Blake and I are beginning the process to adopt.  We are going to an orientation tonight at an adoption agency.  Of course, anytime I see my little family starting to expand I begin to draw my current family in tight.  Loving on them, focusing on them, enjoying the time I have with JUST them- knowing I will never get this time back.  My babies, my boys- they are bliss.  Parker and Beckham- though we might be getting some sisters for you two- you are my precious babies.  I love you with a love I will never ever be able to explain to you- a love that would make me give my life for you- a love that until you have babies of your own, you will never be able to understand.  I pray everyday that God would correct in you my mistakes.  I am not perfect- I do wrong things and I trust that God's grace will fix it.  I pray everyday that you two will love and serve our Lord with all of your heart the minute you can understand what Calvary means.  I pray that you two will be missionaries or pastors.  I pray that one day when this life is over- I will see you two in Heaven.  When I think of the day that I see you two give your heart to Jesus, tears well in my eyes.  I long for that day. 

My life as a mother, though hard, and tiring, and though I get frustrated....it is by far one of the greatest honors God could give me. 

Oh Lord My God....when I in Awesome Wonder...

Yesterday, Parker and Beckham were out playing in the rain. At one point lightening started to light up the sky and then the thunder would soon follow. It was so amazing. Parker and Beckham would get so scared and come running to me. At one point I had Beckham in my lap and Parker next to me snuggled up under my arm. I was explaining to them what lightening was and how thunder was just the sound of lightening and how OUR God could silence the thunder in a small hush or lift a finger and all of this would stop...well...I didn't realize I would get a lesson too. As we sat together and watched the rain and listened to the huge cracks of thunder I started truly thinking about how big MY God is. Lightening and thunder can be so intimidating and yet MY God is soo much bigger!! I then started singing "How Great Thou Art"....Oh Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder, consider all the worlds thy hands have made. I see the stars, I hear the ROLLING THUNDER, thy power throughout, the universe displayed"....then sings my soul, my savior God to thee...how great thou art, how GREAT thou art!!!! While singing those incredible life changing lyrics I could hear the thunder rolling in the background and the rain pouring down...it was magical. It was a beautiful moment I had with the Lord...talking to Him, singing to Him...worshiping... all with my boys right there in my arms. Thank you Lord!

Come watch me!!!

So lately, Parker has been asking me to come watch him "mow". Tonight, I was finishing up on dishes while he and Beckham and daddy were out mowing. Parker comes charging into the house wearing his safety glasses like daddy and says, "mommy, do you want to come watch me mow?", I said "of COURSE" and out we went. We went out into the garage where he told me to grab my blue lawn chair and to sit "right there" and maybe I should even go put safety glasses on like him. So I did and as I sat down he immediately ran out onto the lawn pushing his lawnmower and checking over at me to make sure I was watching how cool he was. The joy that welled up in my heart was overflowing. He wants me to watch him....he wants me to oogle over him and the great thing about it is, is that I want nothing more than to oogle over my boys too!! We are a perfect match! I love being a mommy!!!

So sweet....

Today, I got one of those RARE moments where Parker and Beckham were playing in Beckham's room with the door shut. I took this beautiful opportunity to run around the house and clean as much as I could since cleaning without children either trying to drink the household cleaner or put their face in the toilet you are cleaning or stepping on your vacuum cleaner power cord or unplugging the vacuum at that is very very very rare! So, as I am cleaning I can hear over the baby monitor Parker trying to entertain Beckham. At one point Parker told Beckham he would be right back because he had an idea of something fun....he ran into the living room, opened the closet grabbed something excitedly and ran back into the room, slammed the door and happily showed "bubba" what he found. Smile was all that I could do...it was so precious. Then at one point I could hear Parker tell Beckham "I'll be right back, Bubba, I'm gonna go get mommy"....then Beckham would start to cry, so Parker would stay and say "I'm going to be right back...I'm going to go get mommy and I'll be right back", then Beckham would cry and he would say the same thing over and over again. It was PRECIOUS. Parker could see that Beckham wanted and needed him and he fell right into a loving caring roll! Then eventually Parker decided just to yell at the top of his lungs "Mommy!!!!!!! Bubba wants you!!!!!". Hahaha....I love those boys. I LOVE THOSE BOYS!!!!!!!!