They all know we've been called...

Though my heart still aches every minute of the day over leaving my family and everything I've ever known, I must say, there is some relief in knowing that my immediate family knows.  I just told my brother and his wife and my grandparents.  We've met with a realtor about listing the house in May- the whole meeting my gut just hurt so deeply that we are doing this, yet such a peace knowing it must be done.  My mind is slowly getting wrapped around the idea that we are starting the process- we will be living in a new city and my whole world is about to drastically change.  My safe zone will be ripped out from my grasp and we will now be wading the waters to "the deep".  All I am thinking right now is how in the world will God ever get me through this..."God, I am clinging to the thought that you promise me that you are with me and you promise me that you give me grace when I need it and you promise me that ALL things work together for good...so here we go...clinging to your promises".  I saw His strength today rushing through my blood as I told my grandparents.  I just knew I was going to cry through the whole thing, but I didn't, God gave me strength and I stayed reasonably dry through the whole conversation.  I'm so glad...I'm exhausted from crying so much...I'm exhausted from being sad.  I'm waiting for the joy that comes in the morning!  I do have joy over the thought that we are being obedient to the call no matter how much it hurts.  That does bring joy, because I would never want to be on the disobedient side.  I know that if I am in the center of God's will He will bring the joy in the morning- He will bring blessing and He will bring peace though nothing around me is calm.  I love my God so much...I love him even more now that I am in such a hard place.  I love that I am getting to lean on Him in such a deeper level than I have ever.  I feel like I am in the deep water- barely holding on to His float- barely holding on to life...it's a pretty awesome thing to experience it.  I'm grateful to Him for that.  It makes me want to dedicate my life even more to Him and serving Him no matter what.  Yikes...kinda scary too.  Maybe Jesus will just come back today!  :)