Typical turned into memories...

Tonight was a typical Christmas-time night for the Theiss'.  We ate dinner- had a Christmas Bible story discussion at the table, then cleaned up, put on pj's, got a cup of m&m's and jumped in the car for Christmas lights with our Christmas jam blaring!  So, we are driving around and Parker asked me to tell him a story...well that began what turned out to be something so special.  From lions rescuing abandoned babies and rasing them, to monsters who were scared off by God, to mean kangaroos, to lions eating Christmas lights, to giraffes that saved children, to squirrels driving blue powerwheels....we told it all!  I would tell a story, Parker would tell a story and then daddy would tell a story...Beckham just listened to it all, and the only pre-requisit was that you had to make up the story as you told it!  It was so special to me for several reasons.  First, when I or Blake would be telling a story- no matter how incredibly cheesy or DUMB the story was- Parker was completely intransed, asking us to go on..."what happened, daddy????"  The second thing was listening to Parker just string together all of these thoughts into a story- listening to him be creative was a life joy tonight!  I got it on video, though it was too dark to see, but I at least will always hear it!  I need to post it on this blog!  The third thing was that Blake was in a solumn mood...his knees are killing him from his marathon and he wasn't really himself.  Well, once he had to be the story teller a few times- his joy was BACK.  It's amazing how just interacting with your kids...getting on their level and allowing yourself to become a kid again, imagining goofy stuff and making up fun stories can just lighten the mood!  Praise God for that experience!

  Then, after our story time drive, we came home where I got to rock my precious babies for a little bit before putting them in their bed. 

What a typical night, that just turned into something magical! 

So cute...

The other night, on our way home from looking at Christmas lights, my chatty boys were quiet.  I asked Parker, why he was being so quiet...and he very seriously said..."Mommy, I want to put my cape on and fly to the ranch!"..."My shoes, will have fire come out of them so I will fly!".  I love how precious that was!  So innocent, so cute...

Beckham also every night after we give each other hugs and kisses, holds his hand up and says "pie pie!!!"...wanting me to give him a high five!!!  SOOOO cute...he won't go to sleep till I give him a high five.  I LOVE IT!

What's our fun, now!

Our new routine now...the boys drive their trucks (YES, Beckham is street legal now on the power wheel!!) to the cul-de-sac down the street.  I sit on the curb (as instructed by my boys) and the boys drive around acting like they are doing everyday things...such as filling up on gas, fixing my phone, driving to church, etc.  They drive from the curb where I am...to the cul-de-sac curb...(See pic)


 

Then, they drive back over to me where they get out, give me kisses and hugs, then jump back in to go do their thing! (See pic!)

My idea of heaven on Earth :)

I will cherish these pictures forever....this is and always will be one of my FAVORITE memories in the world!!!  Rocking my babies at night before bed (though it doesn't look like it...it's dark in the room)....Parker is almost 4 and Beckham is 2...my precious boys.  I am in heaven on earth here.  :)

Nights like this, I cherish....

They finally finished their last bite of food which meant they could run outside and see the Christmas lights daddy had been working on!  "Mommy....LOOK...!!!!!!!!" was what I could hear from outside on the driveway..."mommy....come HERE...LOOK!!!!"...."this is so awesome!!!!".  My sweet little Parkerman....so incredibly excited that we had Christmas lights on our house.  THEN, came the best part...the large, lit, inflatable penguin!!  Parker...and therefore Beckham now, were running around like crazy men yelling and screaming in utter blissful JOY that this massive penguin was being 

 inflated on our lawn.  "It's CHRISTMAS!!!", Parker screamed!!  The excitement and JOY that my boys experienced tonight was heaven for me!  After bath time, Parker just HAD to come back outside and say goodnight to the penguin.  So when we did, we sat on the lawn, both boys in my lap, RIGHT in front of our new found friend and sang Christmas songs and hymns...just basking in the fun of our new decor!  I will cherish every-single-night of this holiday season, because I KNOW that this excitement over an inflatable penguin will not last...I know one day, they will not want to run outside and see daddy's hard work on Christmas lights and yearn for me to share in the excitement with them.  I know that this is a season...but it's a beautiful one, a special one and one that I am so so grateful for.  Father, thank you for giving me tonight...thank you for this honor and JOY of raising my children...thank you for reminding me that life is fleeting so when I get moments like tonight...I will cherish them...

 

He brought my blankey...

My sweet little boo bear is such a love bug!  He is my snuggler and so loving!  So, today, Parker was trying to be playful and shot me point blank...about 8 inches away...directly in the eye with a nurf gun that has serious power to it!  Well, let's just say, it brought me to tears...I couldn't help it...crying...Parker and Beckham both didn't know what to do, obviously disturbed by mommy crying and so Beckham in the pit of desperation to make mommy happy went and got the blanket, I always cover up on the couch with, and brought it to me...why would he do that, you ask????  Because when Beckham is upset, all he wants is his blankey...it's a comfort to him and he stops crying.  The sweetest thing in the whole world?!?!?!  He brought me what he thought was MY blankey!  Well, it worked...through all of my tears, I started laughing so hard and smiling (and still crying, ha!).  I love you sweet boo bear...I love that you wanted to help momma, and comfort me...you are my little sunshine!

My boys are so fun

My little boys are growing up and we are getting to a fun stage in life.  We have so much fun together.  I love them so much, my heart hurts :)  Tonight, Blake was putting the boys to bed...now, let's be clear...my boys L-O-V-E their daddy with a capital L-O-V-E!!!!  But almost everytime we say daddy is putting them to bed, Parker always says, "I want mommy to put me to bed".  Those words just warm my heart (only because I know they TRULY ADORE their daddy...so I don't worry about Blake getting his feelings hurt :)).  Anyways, every night, after we read books I rock Beckham and hug and kiss on him and put him to bed and then Parker asks me if I will rock him.  It's so incredibly precious, I can't turn him down.  I rock him and we talk and sing and I hug and kiss on him and then put him in bed where we pray.  Then I have to pray with Beckham and then Parker always yells, "WAIT, mommy!!  I have to give you hugs and kisses!!!"- and I get down and he huuuuugs my neck and kisses me and we tell each other we love each other.  Can this get any better!?!?!?!?  Ohhhh I love my boys.  I love being their mommy and I love how much your heart overflows with love for two little people that God blessed me with.

One of my faves...

Recently one of our new routines is that after dinner we sit on the couch, Parker, Me, and Beckham side by side under a blanket and eat M&M's together and watch cartoons.  I absolutely LOVE this little routine...they LOVE it too.  After I clean the kitchen up, they run and get their bowls and I fill them with a little bit of M&M's and we run to the couch.  I love it.

Parkerman update

My Parkerman...I love you...here are some reminders of cute things you do:

Mommy: "Parker, why are you being such a winey hiney??"  Parker: "because when I wake up I AM a winey hiney!" (Said in a winey voice after waking up from a nap)

You laughs every time we discuss Mr. Pink the cat being a boy and having a weiner!!  Haha

You tell me to "sit right here and watch me" while you play.  :). I really love it when you do that!  I really love watching you to play

Every time I'm about to leave yours and bubbas room at night you yell "wait mommy!!!  I need to give you kisses and hugs!!!"

When we watch movies together, you tell me every single thing that is going on..."watch mommy, ......."

You are so sweet to bubba...you wanted to help me cook tonight...which I looooved....and you always invite bubba to come help, and you show him what to do!

After dinner when we were getting our m&ms to go sit on the couch to watch tv,  you told me not to give you too many m&ms so that we wouldn't run out...lol...not many kids would say that!

You still like to be rocked too...and as I sing out usual songs...you sing right along.  I'll love you forever, blessed assurance, amazing grace, when I survey the wondrous cross, and I'll fly away.  :)

Tonight, during bath time, I said, I love you, and you said I love you too...the. I said I love you more and you said "I love you more too"...and we went back and forth...Sooo sweet to my heart

Booger bear...I love you so much, my heart hurts!!  :)

Boo update

Beckham....my little boo...what's he up to?

1.  The other day I was hugging on him and he would put his face in my arm and was blowing farts!  So cute!!
2.  He puts his finger to his mouth and says "shhhhh"
3.  The other day he was sitting at the table and had three soppy cups, he proceeded to line them up and then look SO proud of himself!!!  Soo cute!
4.  When he wants to ride on your shoulders, he will pat your head and say "a-DUHH???"
5.  Now at night he will sit up in bed and when I say night night, he will wave and say "dight, dight", then he will reach over his top bunk and try to shut the door.
6.  He will also reach for your hand now to pray before you leave for bed.
7.  Tonight after books, rocking, many kisses and hugs....I said good night and shut the door...I heard him crying so when I went in to check on him all he wanted was one more kiss...I kissed him and he laid down and went to sleep.
8.  Speaking of night time...he is a snuggle bug...loves to be rocked and snuggled with!
9.  When he wants to kiss me, he will put both hands on my face, turn my head and plant one on me and not let go till he's ready!!!  Hahaha....loooooove loooove it!!!!
10.  Only has about 22 words.  And its been in the past month that he started saying about half of them!  He's starting to take off!!   Had to take him today for a speech therapy evaluation...hopefully God provides the money for it!!!  So, the only words he has are:

1. Mama
2. Dada
3. Uh-oh
4. Whoa
5. Oh!
6. Ya!
7. No
8. Tractor
9. Choo choo (what he calls the train)
10. Turtle
11. Poo poo
12. Bye bye
13.  Ball
14.  Night night
15.  Out
16.  Hot
17.  Go???  (Where did it go? With hands held out)
18.  Bubbles
19.  Outside
20.  More
21. Duck duck goose
22. Sancho
23.  On
24. Animal noises :)

That's it!  My little boo update.  Looooove that snuggle bug so sooooo much!!!!!

He is two....my boo is two :)

This time, two years ago, I was sitting in a hospital bed feeling like this....

I was SUPPOSED to go to my 10 year class reunion on October 9th with Blake...we had childcare arranged for Parker and Beckham was scheduled to arrive on October 11th.  Ok...it's all good!  WELL, did God have other plans or what!  Blake and I were sitting on the couch, eating pizza, watching a movie, when Beckham gave one last kick and broke my water.  It wasn't enough water for me to know right away, but it was enough for me to call the nurse and decide we should go in.  I was so scared....SO SCARED...I was scared that I would throw up my whole dinner on the operating table (truly...the whole time I'm crying, thinking for sure I'm going to throw up)!   But the thing I was the most terrified about was not being able to love anyone as much as I loved my sweet Parkerman.  He was my world, and every time I thought about having to open my heart to another child...tears ran down my face. (This is my blog posting that I wrote on October 7th...to Parker...not realizing THAT NIGHT I would go into labor.  This will give insight to exactly HOW scared I was about it   http://www.indeeforrest.blogspot.com/2010/10/my-sweet-parker.html )

On October 8th at 12:26am, Beckham was pulled out of my stomach...barely crying (had lots of fluid in his tiny lungs, SO incredibly scary, but luckily got him healthy before I realized what was happening)...but healthy 9.8oz.  They gave him to me.  He was perfect.  He was my little precious baby, whom I immediately fell in love with. 

For the first several months of his life, it was difficult for me...he cried all-of-the-time, and I wasn't able to truly spend time with Parker the way I so desperately needed, but I knew it would get better...I knew life would ease up and my heart would embrace two...fully. 

Well, oh did it ever.  My little boo bear...from the time of his first smile, to now...me sitting here thinking about his little life...I fall in love with him more and more every day. 

Beckham- I love you so much my heart feels like it will explode.  I love how snuggly and lovey you are.  I love that you STILL...even at 2...love to be rocked at night.  I love how you try so desperately hard to hold full length conversations, without using one "real" word.  I love listening to you sing songs, I love how you play like you are asleep in your carseat when I get out to get you, I love how you will give Parker WHATEVER he asks you for (most of the time :)), I love that you can body slam Parker better than any MMA fighter.  I love that you will get in my face and plant the biggest, sloppiest kiss...and just sit there till I can't breathe any more.  I love it when you want me to hold your hand when we are walking to make you feel secure.  I love how you will eat anything and everything I put in front of you.  I love how you look when you give me your pouty face cry.  I love how you are like ME inside and out.  I just love you so so so much.  Everyday that I get to be your mommy is heaven.  Every day that I get to snuggle with you and love on you is heaven.  I thank my God for you...I thank God, that two years ago, I got the opportunity to open my heart from loving just one, to loving two.  I didn't know what I was missing till I met you :) 

I love you baby boy...happy two year old birthday!

The best morning on Earth!

I could not have asked for a better morning.  Parker had gotten up early with Blake so when I heard Beckham wake up I got out of bed and went into the living room where Parker was watching cartoons.  I said "hiii booger!!", and Parker JUMPED off the couch yelled "mommy!!!!" And ran up to me and jumped into my arms with the biggest of hugs.  I then went in to get Beckham and brought him in and put him at the table for his breakfast.  After I got him settled, Parker said, "mommy, will you come sit with me??"....melted my heart...yes, baby, I would love to!  So Parker and I snuggled up next to each other on the couch under a comfy blanket...then, the icing on the top....Beckham crawled up on the couch and snuggled up to me on the other side.  I was truly in my version of heaven on Earth.  So often life gets so busy, and we as moms feel like we need to get so much done, but oh, how precious are the moments where we stop...slow down, and just enjoy moments...you never know when it will be the last time they ask us to sit with them on the couch.  Today could be it, and I am so glad I cherished it....I sat there and loved it, not paying attention to my growling hungry stomach, or time or to do lists....nope....just Parker and Beckham 1 inch away from me, filling my heart with so much love....nothing trumps that....well, at least here on Earth!

He's so funny!

My little Parkerman was cracking me up the other day...I just wanted to write these down because I am SURE I will forget "every day conversations" we have.

-We were on our way to feed JD and Casey, the two dogs we were dog sitting and Parker was talking about JDs wiener!  Lol...."JD have a big wiener???", me: "I don't know"...Parker: "JD doesn't like bird wieners".  "Bird wieners are small"

- Parker told me that he saw robot trees when we were driving home.

-Parker: "Mommy....does JD live in a big house?  Big like this? (while holding his arms out)". Me: "BIGGER!!". Parker: "big like your hair??". Me: ":/".

-Today at the pool he was pushing his toy boat around the pool and then would say his boat had to go poo poo...so he would drive it over to the side of the pool where he would proceed to grunt like his boat was pooping :)

Ok....I think thats all I can remember right now....it's 11pm, and my brain has shut down!  I'm sure I will remember more and come back and write them down!

He loves his daddy....

Both of my boys at about 21 months grew a huge infatuation with their daddy.  They have always LOOOOOOVED their daddy, but at this age they begin to want him to do everything...to put them to bed to hold them all the time to do everything.  So tonight, Blake wasn't home, and I was putting Beckham to bed..he wanted dadda....so I handed him a picture of Blake, and he snuggled with his dadda in bed and went to sleep.  SOOOO precious, my little boo. 

My wittle boo bear

He's 22 months.  My little boo.  Today, he was playing in the playroom and I laid down on the couch next to where he was playing and pretended like I was sleeping.  He walked over and after I had to coax him to pat pat mommy instead of hit mommy, he caught on!  He started rubbing my back, the way I rub his when he is going to sleep.  Then, he went and put a blanket over me and started rubbing my back again.  It was so SO precious!!!  I love that my little boo knows how to be caring and sweet with me. 

3 squeeze "love you"

Lately, I have implemented a family tradition that my family did when I was growing up.  We all hold hands to pray before a meal and then when "amen" is said we all squeeze each other's hands 3 times to represent "I love you".  Well, the boys just LOVE this.  Right now as we are in the "training" stage, we will say "I-love-you" as we squeeze, with the hopes that one day we can just squeeze 3 times and we will know.  Well I have two stories that make me smile with this tradition.  Today, I took the boys to the circus with some friends...well, we went to the pre-show and it was packed and loud down on the floor with lots of people.  So I had to carry Beckham and hold Parker's hand.  As we were walking around, I would squeeze Parker's hand 3 times...he would squeeze my hand 3 times...he knew...I was telling him I loved him in a loud and crowded room where it might not be easy to express verbally.  SO special!!!!

Then, tonight as I was putting Beckham to bed and I was rocking him, I was holding his hand and I squeezed his hand 3 times saying "I-loooove-YOU"...then Beckham would squeeze my hand 3 times saying "duh, duh duh!"....it was soooo special!  I love it, because when you can express love without using words or even eye contact, it's powerful! 

Dear Parkerman...

Dear my little love bug:

Today, we had a rough day, didn't we?  You seemed to not like the fact that Gigi came over and was taking my attention.  I figured that out when you said "mommy, can you stop talking to gigi??".  You also seemed to be a little on the rebellious side; not really doing anything I would ask you to do.  I know that you must have been tired from no nap too, and that could have played a big part in why you decided to HIT Beckham so hard on the head with your hot wheel car.  However, tonight, when I got to rock you to sleep- as I was looking down at you- my heart overflowed.  You are still my little baby...I can still see your little face on my chest when you were but a few weeks old.  Your chubby cheeks and how your face is shaped.  I loved holding you so close and snuggling with you and singing to you.  It truly made my hurting heart from having to be the "disciplinarian mommy" feel so full of joy again.  Tonight before I came back here to type this note, I went in to check on you...your little feet were sticking out from the bottom of your blanket...so small, so preciously perfect.  I know days like this are hard on you too- I know it's no fun when mommy has to be "tough", but I know that because we love each other so much in our hearts- days like this will be a distant memory when we wake up tomorrow.  I feel so blessed to be yours and bubba's mommy.  I love you more than you will ever ever EVER know.

Love,
Mommy

Boo-isms...

Well, my little Beckham who is now 21 months is FINALLY starting to say words...BARELY :)  Here are some of his definite words.  He has a lot of "was that what I thought it was??" words that I'm not sure on, but these we can typically count on. 

Momma
Dadda
Uh-oh
Whoah!!!!
WOW!!!!
Bubba (Parker's nick name)
Tractor (Trah-tuh)
Water
Cracker
Bubbles (buh-buh's)  This word typically follows "WHOOOOOAH!!!"  :)
bye-bye
night night (dight dight)
Hot (HA!)
No (Oh!)
Thank you (tae-too)
Sancho (I think!)  (ta-toe!)

Love you boo!

My little boo

I am so much enjoying my little Beckham bear.  I love how when I tickle him his giggle turns into this full blown laugh that is intoxicating.  I love how excited he gets about everything now and says "whoooooooa" or "wooooooooow" about everything...even if he has no idea if it's truly cool!  I love how when I was rocking him tonight for bed, he just melts into my arms and molds into me- his head laying in the crook of my arm and I got to just put my face right up next to his and just stare at him...his little cheeks, his little nose, his precious little crooked smile...he's my baby.  I got to pray over him and pray that he will be a great man of God and that he would serve the Lord with all his heart, soul and mind.  It was a special night...with a special boy...whom I adore.

Update on my babies...

I always know when it's time to blog, because I start to get a burden on my heart...sounds cheesy I know...but I start feeling a little bit of panic that I am letting too many precious things about my lovies go by and will forget them before I write them down.  Well, it's 11:07pm....definitely bed time and as I crawled into bed all cozied up, my eyes popped open and I had to get out of bed to let my heart overflow onto paper.  So here we are...

This season, this period of my motherhood is quite exhausting.  I find myself feeling the "servant-hood" of motherhood more and more every day.  From the moment my boys' feet hit the ground they are asking for juice, food, a toy, help, comfort, more, and the list goes on.  I'm sure it might be a little easier if they calmly and politely with full and complete patience asked for what they wanted, but instead I find myself be either cried at or ordered....'JUICE!!!!!!!'.  The exhausting part is the constant training, training, training...."Parker, that is not how you ask nicely, please repeat that in a nice way"...."Beckham, it's ok, you don't have to scream and cry because you can't reach your cup, just say 'help, momma'", etc etc.  However, the other day I was sitting on the driveway, relishing in watching my precious boys play, and I was reminded...this is motherhood...this is what God has called me to and has BLESSED me with...there is never going to be a time when I sit back and say...this is easy stuff...piece of cake...nope, it's constant...training and shepherding my children's' hearts towards our Almighty God.   It IS service...it IS work...it IS my ministry!!  How honored am I to get to be the missionary to my OWN kids...to two little boys that my heart skips a beat everytime I see them...I get to be PART of God's hand in bringing them to HIM! 

So, what do I do from here?  I remember that spending time with the Lord is TOP of my list!!!!!  I must be filled with the Spirit...in complete fellowship...so that when the frustrations of motherhood hit, my mind and attitude are FIXED on Christ so that my response to the little sin nature in my children is LOVE and CHRIST instead of MY sin nature fighting back.  I thank my God for every hard moment, because He is using that to refine me, molding me to be more like Christ.  I focus on Christ and moving forward instead of my mistakes and mess ups...those are in the past..leave them there! 

Thank you Father...thank you that you give me so many teachable moments to just grow in the knowledge of truth!  Thank you that you love me enough to continue to make me into the woman you want me to be....constantly being so faithful to me, though my faithfulness does not match.


SO, what are my precious babies up to these days?

Parker and Beckham are now starting to play together and LOVE-EACH-OTHER.  Parker has gotten to be such a PRECIOUS big brother...constantly caring for Beckham and making sure he's happy and playing with him.  It's beautiful.  NOT to say, they don't have their terrible moments, where Parker pushes Beckham down and then stands on top of him, laughing while poor Beckham is screaming....ugh!  :)

Beckham and I have two secret "languages".  We make these specific babble noises while using our hands like we are having a real conversation.  We count in this language too and it's quite entertaining.

Beckham is sloooowly starting to talk.  We had him evaluated by ECI two months ago and he did FABULOUS in ever area except for expressive language.  He didn't qualify for therapy though, so we are just 'naming' everything and encouraging language.  It's slowing starting to work.  Today, he was pushing his bubble mower and when the bubbles came out he would shout..."whoooooooa, bubba's!!!!!"  :)

Parker, my sweet booger bear, talks non-stop.  Literally...non-stop...if he's up and awake...he-is-talking!  It's so fun, though, because now I truly feel like we have a relationship.  Sometimes when I put him to bed he will ask if we can talk, so I will lay next to him and we will, face-to-face, just talk.  Some of my FAVORITE times.

Beckham....my lovie bear boo...oh, that boy, I love him so much...he is such a mess...but lately he has been extra lovey!  He will rub his hands over my hair and will just randomly come up and hug me and kiss me....thrills my heart.  He still loves to be rocked and night, which, well, I'm in heaven over.

They both LOVE the dogs...especially when we take the dogs in the car with us.  They both want to hold one.  So cute, because they get so excited!

Beckham gets the "excited mouth open" look now.  LOVE that!

Parker has the official big brother power over Beckham.  All Parker has to do is excitedly ask Beckham if he wants to do something and Beckham will ALWAYS say yes...even if I had just asked him the same thing a minute before and he told me no!  ha!

I LOVE watching them on the powerwheel together.  They both will get excited about something and just look at each other and giggle and squeal.  It's SO cute how much they love each other.

Ok...I know there is more, but I am now officially exhausted!  Nighty night!

He is just SO CUTE!!!!

That is constantly what I think about when I stare at Beckham.  "He is just SO CUTE!!!".   That little boo bear of mine has just stolen my heart!  Tonight I was rocking him to sleep...I just LOVE that he wants me to rock him every single time he has to go night-night.  I just LOVE that!!!  Anyways, lately when I stand up after rocking him he has started to get fretful about going to bed...so I have been talking to him telling him that he's not going to cry, that he is just going to lay in his bed and go night night and that I will see him in the morning.  I will tell him that I love him and he will nod his head (hehe...LOVE IT!), then I will tell him to have sweet dreams and he will nod his head :) :) :), and I will tell him that I will see him in the morning....annnnnd he will nod his head :), then my favorite part is when he starts to wave bye bye to me!!!!!!!!  OH, my goodness....to have this sweet baby scooped up in my arms...face to face kissing him all over the face and then having him wave bye bye with his precious tiny little perfect hand....it makes me want to just keep holding him and loving on him!  He is just SO CUTE!!!!!!

My point is...this will pass...

VBS week is here at church and tonight, Blake worked later so I had to take the boys with me.  Well, they do not enjoy church AT-ALL!  They start SCREAMING AND CRYING when I drop them off in their classes...Parker 3.5 and Beckham 20 months.  Well, talk about my heart being ripped out of my chest...everytime I have to sit there and listen to them scream for me, I pray and pray "God, please let them calm down"...please please do something!  Well, for whatever reason, God has chosen to remain silent on this issue.  He is sovereign...I trust Him...I have no idea why He has chosen to not calm my children at church (Parker has been doing this his whole little life in the nursery at the SAME CHURCH), but I trust that He hears me and my heart ache over it.  Anyways...I was standing in a side hall tonight...just in anguish over what to do when a dear friend walked up to me...I gave her a quick "why I'm here" speech and she proceeded to tell me about how her granddaughter whom she helped raise just graduated from high school.  This granddaughter who used to cling to her legs crying her eyes out for her not to leave her was walking across the stage to receive the diploma that would allow her to move off and go away to college.  My friend told me how she looked at that little girl and wished that she could hold on to HER legs now and keep her home. Well, that was it...I started boo-hoo-ing!!  As she was boo-hoo-ing with me, she said...so you see?  This WILL pass and you will be holding on to their legs when they are moving away.  I am sitting here typing this blog hardly able to see with tears welling up in my eyes and pouring all over again.  She was right...my precious little boys, whom my heart sings when I see them, will one day no longer need the comfort of my touch, or the comfort of my arms or the comfort of my voice.  They will one day not look at me with dreamy eyes nor long for me to play with them and hold them and rock them.  One day...this phase will pass...

It is so easy to wish difficult phases away...constantly looking across the fence to the greener side...but what we miss are the NOW moments we have with them.  What are the now moments that are sweet and precious?  Well, my boys think being with me is the best most comforting thing in their little world.  They want to be with me every waking moment...yes...even when that means waking me at 6:30 and following me to the restroom and to this room and that room.  I am in a very physically draining point of my life...but oh...if I just stop for a minute and look at my life as if I am looking back...it is a blissful, fulfilling, JOY-filled time of my life!!!  My boys think EVERYTHING is exciting!  One of Parker's highlights of the day is going to see "if the swimming pool is open" and then watching his face LIGHT UP with joy when he sees it is.  When I see Beckham open his mouth in excitement and his eyes light up with joy when I ask him if he wants to watch bulldozers on the iPad.  When Parker is SO HAPPY and excited about just driving his truck or riding his bike.  "Mommy, how about I ride my bike and then I can drive my big truck"..."do you want to do that, mommy???"...."Yes, baby...I would love that!"....."OK mommy!!!!".  It is so sweet and so innocent.  They love life.  How when I gave Parker a new tube of toothe paste and he said with such a sweetly GENUINE voice "thank you mommy!!!!!!!"....how they both get so excited just to push the "water button" on the water cooler to fill up their sippy cups.  How Beckham points to the rocking chair for me to rock him before he goes to sleep...EVERY TIME!!!  This is heaven...is it hard and physically and mentally exhausting???  ABSOLUTELY....are there days that I gripe and complain???  ABSOLUTELY.....but I feel like tonight...when my friend came and talked to me...moments like that are little gifts from God, where he catches my attention and says "Cathy, do see what you have?"  "You have these boys at such a beautiful time in life...so tender and sweet...you HAVE them....ENJOY them...CHERISH them...because you see?  This will pass....."

Our fun

This summer Parker has his all time usuals he likes to do everyday...now they typically go in cycles, but when you are in that cycle he is rooooooooutine! I wanted to jot them down for sweet memory sake! He loves to get in my bike trailer and "go see if the swimming pool is open"...even if I've told him a hundred times it's not. Then on our way he will ask if there are snakes in a particular patch of grass and he will tell me that two certain trees that have red spray paint on them have bo-bo's. He loves to go on a truck drive and drive Beckham around in his power wheel truck. He will drive on the street in certain parts and at the same spot every time he will drive up onto the sidewalk. He will drive through the same set of bushes that hang out on to the sidewalk and die laughing every time looking over at me as if it were the first time. He will drive out onto the street everytime looking for the puddle of water he drove through one day even if that water might be dried up by then. He loves to go look for lady bugs in our neighbors yard, because one day we had hit the motherload of lady bugs. When we go to the park, he loves to drive his truck over to the fountain and throw rocks into it. He loves to play in the sprinkler in the backyard...but HE has turn on the water...he runs through the mud created by the sprinkler with his lawn mower and wants me to pour water on him as he slides down the slide. He wants juice and oatmeal first thing in the morning and always wants a blanket on his lap while sitting at the table. This little boy....I love intensely....he is a joy....and sweet precious love and an honor to raise!

My little Boo...he's 19 months

My little boo bear is now 19 months old.  What is he up to?

He waves at cars driving by when we are playing out on the driveway
He points and says "uh!!!" at every single truck that passes us on the road
He plays a little game where I will tell him to go sit in his seat at the table and he will go and stand behind my chair and say "uh!!" and I'll say "That's not your chair!!!" and he will go to the next chair and we will repeat till he gets to his chair.
He can fully feed himself and will pick up his bowl and start dancing it when he eats it all so that I will sing our "happy plate" song
He is starting to be able to attempt repeating words I say, for example..."Beckham, can you say bubbles??" and he will say "buh buh",  and so on...not really saying any words other than momma and dadda on his own.  ECI is coming out to evaluate his speech...he is delayed.
When we get to the top of a certain bridge he will start saying "uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" because the bumps on the road will make his voice quiver
He has been weaned from the PACI!!!!!!  Took it like a champ...one day I just put him down for a nap without it and he slept!  That was it!  PRAISE GOD!
He loves his big bubba and laughs so hard when they rough house...until Parker is too rough :/
He LOOOOOOVES bubbles and wants to play with and eat all of the time!
He is learning how to drive the Power Wheel.  Parker will help him steer, but he is still pretty distract-able....he'll see a pretty flower and either stop driving or keep his foot on the pedal and not look in front of him.
He LOVES the puppies
He's a great eater...pretty much eats whatever
He loves to play in the water and fill up buckets and pour the water into something else
He LOVES his brown blanket


He is just so cute...pretty high maintenance, but SO worth it.  I love that boo bear and his little giggly smile and personality is just the BEST!  I LOVE being his mommy!!!!!

Jesus loves me...He really does

I am reading a book (yes, I am READING, for those of you who know me) called "Jesus Loves Me" by H.L. Roush Sr.  It's a small, easy read, but wow, how it has truly begun the transformation process in my mind about Christ's love.  "God is Love", I have heard this a million, billion times in my life.  I was saved at 7 or 8 and just "knew" that God loved me.  However, it hasn't been till recently when I began to see the chains of bondage that fear had on me that I realized that I didn't truly understand that God- LOVES-ME!  I believed it, but didn't BELIIIIIIEEEVE it, if you know what I mean.  There is a time, when God takes a common concept and then graciously brings you to a point in life where He drives that concept home.  You "get" it all of the sudden.

Growing up, I had the most unconditional loving parents.  Never, NEVER did they withhold love for ANY reason.  Never!  I had a beautiful childhood, filled with love and safety.  However, I am still very self conscious of disappointing my parents or making them sad by something I have done...thus affecting their love towards me.  Isn't that interesting...for being a child who NEVER EVER EVER had love withheld for ANY reason- is scared that I will let my parents down.  I am almost 30 years old...married...a mother of two...and worried about what my mommy and daddy think about me.   Towards my in-laws- I feel that if I don't build up my "good things" list that I have done for the family, that I will no longer be loved by them, but as long as I am "doing", then they will love me.  Wow!  So as I am reading this book, I realized that I had that same "fear" towards God.  That He would withhold or be disappointed in me for not being the perfect Christian or making a wrong choice.  Now, please know, I am not referring to the discipline of God.  That is a very real deal and He really does discipline us, but I have a different fear.  I fear that His love would change if I did something that wasn't what He wanted and wasn't the perfect child for HIM.   I fear condemnation...

What am I learning?
That God IS love...that is who HE IS...He cannot separate Himself from loving us.  No matter what we do, He cannot change or fail His love for us.  Because that is who He is, no matter what I do or don't do, His love will be there, constant and faithful, despite my unfaithfulness...He WILL BE FAITHFUL to love me, no matter what!
That, even though I am struggling with total victory over fear, Jesus is walking with me through this battle and bringing me to the outcome of victory.  "None of this discouraged Him [Jesus] from overtaking them in their gloomy walk and patiently talking with them, until their eyes were opened once more to the reality of His presence with them, and their hearts were set on fire by His love".  ("Jesus loves me" talking about when Jesus was walking with the disciples and they accused Him of being a stranger, etc.)  Though I am not where I WANT to be, it's ok, He knows exactly where I am and where I am going and plans to walk me to that destination.
That earthly friendships are faulty and fail.  No matter how much I love a person or a friendship, it is going to fail.  That person I will at some point be let down by and I will let them down as well.  Jesus is a friend that NEVER will let down..he CANNOT fail you.  He knows EVERYTHING about you....EVERYTHING...you don't have to play the "get to know you" for Jesus to know you.  Those little areas about your life that you hide...HE KNOWS...and yet why, do we continuously seek others to get advice or to fulfill us?  Lately, I have had a hard time with Parker and church.  I'm teasing, but partly serious when I wonder if a demonic spirit comes upon him at church.  He cannot be separated from me, not even for a nano second while I go get something and immediately come back...he freaks out!  He screams and cries all morning and looks at other adults like they are the piece of chewed gum stuck on the bottom of his foot.  It often times leaves me speechless.  Anyways, I have sought advice from everyone...anyone who gives I will listen.  Well, lately, I realized that maybe this is a matter that I need to seek the Lord's advice on and the Lord only.  Maybe He is teaching me, that HE-IS-ENOUGH.  He knows Parker...HE REALLY KNOWS why Parker is acting the way his is...and yet I seek other's opinions over His?  Maybe God is teaching me to seek Him instead of others.

What a beautiful journey this is to freedom.  What a beautiful journey this is to "coming to the knowledge of truth" about my Lord and Savior!  I love that He loves me enough to bring me through this to see me liberated and free of any bondage of my life!  Father, you are all I need.

"To the King of the Ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, to you be honor and glory forever and ever, Amen!" 1 Timothy 1

A mother's love

As I sit here typing, I cannot explain the overflowing love that is welling up in me for my children.  I sit here wanting to type all of it out for the sole purpose of documenting this journey as a mother to two young boys...never to forget how precious they are to me and forcing me into cherishing every single little moment.  As I walk through my day- I will have moments of pure gratitude to my Heavenly Father- pure gratitude for the beauty of a moment with my children- pure gratitude for the health of my children- pure gratitude that I AM THE ONE HE chose to raise these babies- pure gratitude that MY womb held them.  They are in my care and oh...am I so grateful to my God!!!

I love sitting on the driveway blowing bubbles (that is now that Beckham doesn't try and DRINK them anymore!  whew!).  I love watching them "mow" the grass.  I love that no matter how tired or worn out I am and no matter how much I just want to SIT and relax- when Parker excitedly and longingly asks me to come play with him or to show me something I somehow get an energy burst to do it!  I love watching Beckham learn how to feed himself with a spoon and I love watching him develop into a little boy instead of my little baby (which he will always be, by the way :)).  I love how when I sit down and spread my arms asking Beckham to come hug me...he RUNS laughing the whole way and leaps into my arms holding tight.  I love watching them feed the ducks.  I love watching them play in the backyard.  I love that even though Beckham doesn't talk- when I ask him questions like "do you love mommy??"...he nods his head!  (he also nods his head to "do you eat poo poo, but who cares- I love asking him anyways and seeing him nod!  ha!)  I love that no matter how fussy Beckham can be (and he is SO FUSSY ALL DAY) all he has to do is laugh or smile at you or snuggle close to you and your heart is in his hands!  I love getting excited with my boys...about who knows what.  I love playing with them, I love being with them, I love rocking them at night, I love how tender and sweet their hearts are, I love how shy Parker is.  OH, I love them so much.  I love having picnics on the grass with them...I love laying on the grass with Parker.  I love laying in bed with Parker talking about life.  I love that they both love coffee!!  :)

Blake and I are beginning the process to adopt.  We are going to an orientation tonight at an adoption agency.  Of course, anytime I see my little family starting to expand I begin to draw my current family in tight.  Loving on them, focusing on them, enjoying the time I have with JUST them- knowing I will never get this time back.  My babies, my boys- they are bliss.  Parker and Beckham- though we might be getting some sisters for you two- you are my precious babies.  I love you with a love I will never ever be able to explain to you- a love that would make me give my life for you- a love that until you have babies of your own, you will never be able to understand.  I pray everyday that God would correct in you my mistakes.  I am not perfect- I do wrong things and I trust that God's grace will fix it.  I pray everyday that you two will love and serve our Lord with all of your heart the minute you can understand what Calvary means.  I pray that you two will be missionaries or pastors.  I pray that one day when this life is over- I will see you two in Heaven.  When I think of the day that I see you two give your heart to Jesus, tears well in my eyes.  I long for that day. 

My life as a mother, though hard, and tiring, and though I get frustrated....it is by far one of the greatest honors God could give me. 

Oh Lord My God....when I in Awesome Wonder...

Yesterday, Parker and Beckham were out playing in the rain. At one point lightening started to light up the sky and then the thunder would soon follow. It was so amazing. Parker and Beckham would get so scared and come running to me. At one point I had Beckham in my lap and Parker next to me snuggled up under my arm. I was explaining to them what lightening was and how thunder was just the sound of lightening and how OUR God could silence the thunder in a small hush or lift a finger and all of this would stop...well...I didn't realize I would get a lesson too. As we sat together and watched the rain and listened to the huge cracks of thunder I started truly thinking about how big MY God is. Lightening and thunder can be so intimidating and yet MY God is soo much bigger!! I then started singing "How Great Thou Art"....Oh Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder, consider all the worlds thy hands have made. I see the stars, I hear the ROLLING THUNDER, thy power throughout, the universe displayed"....then sings my soul, my savior God to thee...how great thou art, how GREAT thou art!!!! While singing those incredible life changing lyrics I could hear the thunder rolling in the background and the rain pouring down...it was magical. It was a beautiful moment I had with the Lord...talking to Him, singing to Him...worshiping... all with my boys right there in my arms. Thank you Lord!

Come watch me!!!

So lately, Parker has been asking me to come watch him "mow". Tonight, I was finishing up on dishes while he and Beckham and daddy were out mowing. Parker comes charging into the house wearing his safety glasses like daddy and says, "mommy, do you want to come watch me mow?", I said "of COURSE" and out we went. We went out into the garage where he told me to grab my blue lawn chair and to sit "right there" and maybe I should even go put safety glasses on like him. So I did and as I sat down he immediately ran out onto the lawn pushing his lawnmower and checking over at me to make sure I was watching how cool he was. The joy that welled up in my heart was overflowing. He wants me to watch him....he wants me to oogle over him and the great thing about it is, is that I want nothing more than to oogle over my boys too!! We are a perfect match! I love being a mommy!!!

So sweet....

Today, I got one of those RARE moments where Parker and Beckham were playing in Beckham's room with the door shut. I took this beautiful opportunity to run around the house and clean as much as I could since cleaning without children either trying to drink the household cleaner or put their face in the toilet you are cleaning or stepping on your vacuum cleaner power cord or unplugging the vacuum at that is very very very rare! So, as I am cleaning I can hear over the baby monitor Parker trying to entertain Beckham. At one point Parker told Beckham he would be right back because he had an idea of something fun....he ran into the living room, opened the closet grabbed something excitedly and ran back into the room, slammed the door and happily showed "bubba" what he found. Smile was all that I could do...it was so precious. Then at one point I could hear Parker tell Beckham "I'll be right back, Bubba, I'm gonna go get mommy"....then Beckham would start to cry, so Parker would stay and say "I'm going to be right back...I'm going to go get mommy and I'll be right back", then Beckham would cry and he would say the same thing over and over again. It was PRECIOUS. Parker could see that Beckham wanted and needed him and he fell right into a loving caring roll! Then eventually Parker decided just to yell at the top of his lungs "Mommy!!!!!!! Bubba wants you!!!!!". Hahaha....I love those boys. I LOVE THOSE BOYS!!!!!!!!

So so grateful....

As I am getting ready for bed, I usually glance at the video monitor that is mounted in Parker's room. I see him so peacefully sleeping and my heart just overflows. It overflows with joy and gratefulness that I am in the "drudges" of child raising. This is probably the hardest time for a mother physically...the years where PHYSICALLY we carry our children and PHYSICALLY we take care of them along with the emotional side of making sure we are teaching, teaching, correcting, correcting, training, training this blank slate into a godly man of God. A lot of times in this stage of child raising, mothers wish their children would hurry up and grow up so that it's not-so-hard anymore. However, what ends up happening is we wish away and LOSE some of the most precious, wonderful, sweet, HAPPY times in our lives. The time in our life where our children truly think we do know everything. The time in our life where we are super exciting even when we know we really are not! The time in our life when all these precious children want is to be with and play with and snuggle with their mommies and daddies. The time in our life when hugs and kisses and "I love you's" are welcomed with sweet giggles and glowing faces. The time in our life when no matter how stupid we may look, our children think we are hilariously funny. The time in our life that brings some of the most beautiful joy to a parent's heart.
The other day I was thinking about my stage in life- I was thinking about it as if it had already passed and I was looking back on it. It made me fall to my knees in gratefulness that it has not already passed- that I am still smack dab in the middle of it....loving these little innocent baby boys that bring so much overflowing joy to my life.
The other day I was giving Parker horsey rides on my back and in order to avoid falling off he wrapped his arms tightly around my neck...then he said "I love you, mommy". Just writing this makes tears well up in my eyes. How could we wish these moments away? How could we not respond to our babies asking us to "play with me, mommy!!"? How could our hearts not overflow with joy when these precious children want to be around us and love just "being" with us. It's heaven! I love my boys so so so much....God, you blessed me with them...they are a gift straight from you-and I am so so grateful!!

My boo

My little boo bear is now a little over 17 months. He's so SO cute!! What he's up to....

-He still doesn't really have any words...just mama, dada and night night and uh oh

-He now knows he can only have his paci when he's in bed so when it's time to get out of bed he either points to his paci jar with his paci or he will take it out and push it into a corner of his crib. It's hilarious!!

-He waves at cars driving by when we are playing on the driveway.

-He still lets me rock him at night

-He walks at a running pace all the time

-The minute I start cooking dinner, Beckham is screaming at my feet, by 5pm he is dying for dinner!!

-He still goes to bed around 7, and sleeps 12-13 hours.

-He can feed himself oatmeal...not well, but he can do it!

-He wuuuuuvs is brown blanket

I love him so SO much! He is so funny and precious and sweet....I am so blest to be his mommy!!!

Missin you!!

Tonight at AWANA Parker left the room to go to music. Normally I go too, but tonight I had to stay in our room to get the craft ready. When the kids came back in from music, Parker ran up to me wrapping his arms around me and yelling "mommy!!!!!! I missed you!!!". That was the first time he had said that and man did it make my heart soar!!!! I missed you too my sweet parkerman!!! I missed you MORE!! :)

Courageous

So, Blake and I watched the Christian movie, Courageous. If you haven't seen it and plan on seeing it stop reading right here, because I am about to talk about it :) Anyways, in the movie this little girl dies and you watch the mourning process of the parents. I found myself in the "ugly cry" so many times because you can't even imagine wanting so desperately to hug or touch your child and not being able to. It gave me another one of those "cherish the moment" times. Tonight I was brushing Parker's teeth and I just stopped and hugged his neck so tight kissing him all over. I-HAVE-MY-CHILDREN....I can touch them and hold them and play with them and LOVE them. So many parents don't have their children due to death and it just makes all of the insignificant things in this world fade away because all that matters is that we are alive with each other!

Thank you Father that TODAY, I have my children. And Lord willing tomorrow too. THANK YOU that you give me these moments to remind me to CHERISH every-single-minute of every-single-day!!!! Frustrating moments and all.

The gripping hold of fear....

I am a fearful person. I don't mean this in the sense of reverence or respect as in "fear of the Lord", but of what the Bible tells us NOT to do all throughout the old and new testament. Fear not....be anxious for nothing...do not fear....etc, etc, etc. I can't even keep track of what I fear...I fear rational and irrational things, I fear rejection, I fear sickness, I fear sadness, I fear hard times...you name it, I fear it! My poor mom & dad had many years living with a little girl who would frantically call "mommy!!!!" while in the bath tub and when mommy would come in I would ask if this scab on my arm might be leprosy! LEPROSY!!! What kid fears a diagnosis of LEPROSY!?! Yep...I did! That wasn't even the least of if. If I told you all of the stories of things I feared growing up and what my parents had to endure with me you might think I needed medication or professional help!

Well, professional help is what I needed. From the wonderful Counselor...my almighty, heavenly FATHER! From as long as I can remember I have known that God is working on me and my issues of fear. Defeated, enslaved and frustrated would be my description of the outcomes of "faith tests" and a vision of utter defeat was my expectation for my future in this category. Well, Satan would want me to believe that!! He would whisper in my ear..."no matter what you do, you will always be this way!".

Then, my God blessed my life with my beloved children. Though blissful is how I would describe motherhood...it raised my whole fear level up to an unreachable level. Not only did I have to live in constant worry about my life, my future, my health my marriage...but I now had to worry about my boys life, future, health and marriages....oh ya, and education and financial provision and character and spirituality and friends and on and on and on! Unmanageable is the word I would use for how I felt. I cannot do this anymore, Lord. I cannot continue to carry this FEAR around me! If Parker didn't eat a lot of dinner...was it because he had a stomach bug???!!! Oh man...what am I going to do if he throws up??! Oh my goodness...then we are all going to get it and who is going to take care of my kids while I am sick!??! Do you see how my mind takes off from something as insignificant as Parker not eating dinner? I had this weird bruise on the top of my foot several months ago....leukemia was the only explanation I could come up with how I had this oddly shaped bruise in an odd location. In one week I survived a minor heart attack, two cases of ovarian cancer, and a kidney infection...IN ONE WEEK! 4 months ago I was sitting on the couch and I happened to rub my neck and felt a lump!!!!! IT'S CANCER! No other explanation...NONE....well, come to find out, it was a gland that had swollen due to the irritation on my scalp from hair extensions. Yep...and the list goes on. Then, I have Satan constantly whispering in my ear at all times "just enjoy this wonderful time in your life, because trouble is coming, and it's going to be bad!!!".

Well, yes, I do know that trouble and suffering are coming- but I also know that God's grace is sufficient. When my trials hit, HE will be with me and provide grace for that time. In fact, as I sit here typing this...Satan is whispering in my ear "the reason you are typing this and will share it with others is because God is about to do something tragic in your life and you need to practice what you preach"...SEE? It's constant- no matter what I do or don't do- fear is always there!

So, what is my plan? Well, TRUTH is my plan! God tells me that no matter what happens it's to profit and not to harm me. So Satan tells me that when the trials come, it's going to be horrible and lonely and sad and it will destroy me. Well, I know that's not from God, because whatever is from God is to profit me. The second part of it is that the worst case scenario is I die.......and go to heaven, where I will be in the presence of the Almighty God whom satisfies more than my children or husband ever could. That's the second lie. Satan tells me that if I were to leave this earth- nothing would satisfy the way my children do, etc. etc. Well, I know for a fact that God is the ULTIMATE satisfaction and my children will never come close.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set me free...therefore I will not submit again to the yoke of slavery!". "the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, goodness, self control, against such things there is no law- but those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires."

I will be anxious for NOTHING, but in everything through prayer and thanksgiving, I will present my requests to God and the peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus.

I have realized that when the sting and fear of death is gone....nothing in this world can scare you. Death is the WORST CASE SCENARIO and when you no longer fear that, because you have the assurance of salvation through Christ and you know where you are going and that where you are going is the best place in the WHOLE WORLD, you "laugh" at the future! The JOY of the Lord is my strength!!!

Anyways- I have experienced victory, recently, over fear- HOWEVER, this is a daily battle. I must spend quality time with the Lord DAILY....DAILY....not every other day or once a week- but I must renew myself in His word so that I can survive the chains of fear...because they are like weeds in a garden...just because I picked them all out and my garden is weed-free today....doesn't mean I can stop picking...in just a short amount of time of not weeding, they could overtake my garden.

Thank you Father- thank you that no matter what happens, I can trust you and I can know that if it happens- it has already gone through your hands!

Nick names

I thought I would write down my nick-names I call my boys, because I know one day, they will ask me to stop! The funny thing about these is that they know their nick-names....Parker will look over at me when I say "love bug" and Beckham will look over at me if I say boo or bubba, etc.

Parker:
Booger bear
Love bug (this one is used the majority of the time)
Boogs
Booger

Beckham:
Boo bear
boo
bubba
bubba pants
love bucket
stinky boy

Today

Today, I took the boys to Chic-fil-a and let them play in their play room while I drank some coffee and watched. It was so much fun to hear Parker playing with other kids having such a great time and then occasionally checking in with me saying "HI MOMMY!!!!!" from way up high! Then, we had a chicken nugget snack and went home to let them play in the rain and then take a hot bubble bath afterwards.

This was such a fun morning!!! I love that all I have to do in my world right now is play with my kids (and of course do my "home" obligations as a wife too!!!) but the majority of my time is for being a mommy! How blessed I am!!! Lately, Parker has been going through a VERY VERY defiant stage. It has left me defeated and frustrated, constantly questioning and second guessing my judgement and feeling frustrated that my sweet little boy can be SO BAD sometimes! However, today...he was perfect! Obedient, sweet, kind and my normal little PRECIOUS boy!!! I am grateful for TODAY...I am grateful that today we had SO much fun together. Part of discipline, I am learning, is spending quality time with your boys...GOOD quality time...without that, discipline won't be as effective. They need to see you and ENJOY you as a mother so that when you have to be "mean", they know that it's because they were wrong and not because that is how mommy is!

Even though motherhood can be tough sometimes....man....I am SO GRATEFUL that GOD-CHOSE-ME to raise my children! I know that it's important to Him that I raise them too...I heard the other day on a radio show how God does want mothers to raise their kids, look at how he brought Moses back to HIS MOTHER for him to be raised through these character building years! Thank you Father....thank you that YOU PROVIDE everything we need so that I can stay with them! Thank you, that they are healthy and thank you that they are HERE with me and that I get to enjoy them!!!

My Beckham....

I just have to dedicate a whole posting to my sweet Beckham. I love him sooooo much and I just am having SO-MUCH-FUN with him. He is FINALLY out of that terrible grumpy stage where he cried 24/7, and I can say, I am LOVING it! He is 16 months old and such a momma's boy!!!! He is my boo! When I am away, even for 30 minutes, when I get home or come pick him up, he is SO-HAPPY-TO-SEE-ME! He comes wailing his arms saying "HIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!"...."HIIIIIIIIII!!!!!" with a big huge smile and into my arms. He then can NOT be put down for a long time, because he just wants to be in my arms. He snuggles into my arms at night when I rock him with his pacifier and blanket that he loves. I just rock him and sing to him and he is as content as can be, and I must say his mommy is too. My favorite time is when I can just sit and rock him and snuggle with him and Parker is SO sweet and precious and lets me to do it. I just love that when I hold him he just LOVES being held and LOVES snuggling close to me. I LOVE how he grins and I just LOVE kissing his face all over the place. Last night Beckham and I took a bath and I was chewing bubble gum and every time he would hear me pop a bubble or even just chew my gum he would turn around and just stare at my mouth, not quite sure what to think! Then he would either wrap his arms around my neck or kiss me! haha! Then, if he SAW me blow a bubble, he would get scared and start crying! So precious.

Ok, so 16 months- what he is doing??
-He now "blows on his food" by doing 3 or 4 quick breaths and then says "aaaaaaa" and bites the food!
-He still doesn't really say a lot.
-The other day he was at my in-laws and he got hungry so he went and found his high chair and pushed it up to the table!!!!
-When I ask him if he went poo poo, he bends over and touches his diaper. Sooo funny!
-He has VERY good receptive language...he pretty much understands everything I say.
-He still has a pacifier- just in bed though, and sometimes in the car
-He takes a big nap in the middle of the day when Parker does and he goes to bed at 7 and sleeps 12-14 hours, just depending on the day.
-He LOVES his bubble mator push toy and LOVES the mower toys.

I love you boo...you are my bubba pants and you are a joy every day I wake up!!!!

Love,
Mommy

3 years ago...

3 years ago, my sweet Parker Forrest Theiss, you were about to enter the world and officially take the title of my first child. Never, and I mean NEVER did I imagine how blissful life would be as a mother. I love every minute of my life with you even during the hard times.

So what are you up to as a big 3 year old?

You can dress yourself now
You can stand up and pee in the potty "like daddy" and don't need a stool anymore!
You talk non-stop
You are afraid of the dark
You are now eating much better now that you accept bribery :)
You test-me-on-everything....and I mean EVERYTHING!
You still take one nap
You wake up too early
You go to bed around 7:45-8pm
You still scream like crazy when I drop you off at church

There are so many more things, but I just can't think of them. Everyday I love to just watch you. Watch you play and watch you talk....watch you eat and watch you sleep. You are a miracle that God gave me and entrusted to me to raise and take care of. I am the luckiest mommy in the world to have you as one of my children and no matter what I will love you and cherish you. Right now, you are standing next to me eating a snack and asking me to "look mommy" at your toy truck then will try and "help mommy" type and if I don't look over at you, you will lean over in front of me grinning ear to ear until I look at you. I love that you still want to be right next to me where ever I am. I love that when I leave a room- you want to come find me or you ask where I am....I love that at night I can still rock you. I LOVE that I have had you for 3 years...3 years of fun, WORK, tears, laughter and JOY! I love you sweet love bug....you are my, and will always be, my baby!

Points

Hi love how Beckham points and says "uh!" at everything!!! It's SO cute. His "point" looks like when you make a letter "L" with your hands. LOVE it. :)

Funny- but maybe only to me :)

This is a "smorgishborg" of a blog. I just have all of these things I want to write down so I am just putting them all down in one blog.

Today Parker and I were playing outside and I acted like I was crying and he said "no cryin'...stop cryin' mommy...nooooo cryin'.....boys cry!!". Haha! I loved it, have I taught him that boys cry and girls don't?? Sounds kind of backwards!

Today, Beckham FINALLY learned where his nose is! Yay!! So, I was rocking him before his nap and he was on my lap facing me and I asked him where his belly button is, and then where his nose was and he DID it and we celebrated! So, then I went to his tongue and he just started laughing and would flop his head on my chest...then pull back really fast and I would ask him where his tongue was and he would do the same thing...we went around in circles and were laughing so hard! What a blast!! He actually was playing with me and I LOVED it!

Parker has also started memorizing books. It's SO cute, because he will "read" his spider book to Beckham!

I LOVE watching Beckham walk around and play. It's SO fun when they start getting older and learning so many new things. It's amazing how Beckham is at that stage where his receptive language is soooo good!

There are many days when Blake works late and the majority of the day is spent with just me and the boys. Obviously I would LOVE for Blake to be here, but the silver lining....I get to have quality one-on-one time with my boys. Just me and them. LOVE it!

Now that Beckham is getting older and can do more stuff, it's amazing how FUN it is being a stay-at-home mom! We get to just go have fun, ALL DAY! So today, we went to a park, then to feed the ducks and have a snack by the pond, then before we went to HEB we drove the car through the carwash! Parker LOVED it...Beckham, not so much! haha! Then after naptime we jumped in the powerwheel John Deere truck and drove around. Man, this life can't get any better!

I love how Parker still wants to go get his grocery cart when we go out to get the mail.

I love getting under the blanket with the boys and the flashlight!

I love playing sword fights.

I am SO GRATEFUL that I am a mommy.....I LOVE MY JOB!

Sweet

The other day Blake and I took the boys to the doctor for their well-checks. Parker was so sweet and compliant with everything the nurse asked him to do...then the doctor came in and Parker walked up to me and put his hands up to my ears and whispered very softly "bubba first"...he wanted the doctor to look at Beckham first. It was SOOOOO cute. Loved it!!

Heaven on earth

Today- Beckham was having a complete meltdown. So, I told Parker that I needed to go rock Beckham because he was frustrated. So, I went in to Beckham's room...got his blanket, turned his loud "noise maker" fan on and we rocked...all snuggled up. It was heaven....I just looked down at him and how he was right where he wanted to be...in my arms....and he wasn't interested in going anywhere else! Ohhh....heaven. Ok, so I didn't think it could get any better until Parkerman walked in and was looking a little neady...so I asked him if he wanted to come rock with mommy and bubba. He DID! So, he went and got his blanket and crawled up in my lap on the opposite side and both of them just snuggled up in my arms...happy as could be...and I sang to them. I literally felt like my heart could not get any fuller. It's rare that I get to snuggle with BOTH of my babies at the same time where BOTH of them were ok with the fact that they were there together and I didn't want to move! I just wanted to stay there forever. It still, as I am typing about it, fills me up to the brim with LOVE!!!!!

OH, the joys that come with being a mommy!!!!!!

You must die to live....

Lately in my quiet time I have been studying about fellowshipping in the sufferings of Christ. Wow, I was not prepared for the world of awesomeness that I was about to enter into. The Lord has brought me along in a journey in order to open my eyes the past two mornings in my quiet times. So what is this beautiful picture that God has painted in my mind? Suffering....no matter what kind you experience...whether it's a tragedy that has caused you to suffer, or the simple fact that you are suffering in a miserable job, or the fact that you are suffering with a problem child...any kind of suffering is REQUIRED in order for us believers in Christ to experience the awesome POWER OF THE RESURRECTION!!! It is impossible for us to experience this beautiful GIFT unless we SUFFER! God has called us to suffer....but He doesn't end it at that....He says YES, you are going to suffer...YES, I have called you to suffer...but do you know why? I have called you to suffer because I want you to SEE the awesome resurrection power!! I want you to EXPERIENCE the phrase "when I am weak, then you are strong...my power is perfected in your weakness"....I want you to EXPERIENCE the life giving power that will rock your world- that is better than ANYTHING you could attain on this Earth.
Today- I was reminding myself of what I studied yesterday and then was lead to studying about how death to myself will equal life in Christ. As a believer I am called to die...die to my desires, die to my RIGHTS, die to my ideas for my life's purpose...DIE...and allow Christ to live in me. Well, what happens when I must die to my rights, desires and thoughts? I suffer! But what happens when I suffer??? I LIVE LIFE THROUGH CHRIST'S RESURRECTION POWER! For example- Blake leaves dirty dishes in the sink....well, my rights tell me that I should make him come clean up those dishes- I am not his maid, I am a strong woman who doesn't need to clean up after her husband. Well, because I have "died", and dead people don't have rights, I must SUFFER as I clean up his dishes....however, now it becomes not me cleaning up unfairly after my husband...it becomes me identifying with the suffering of Christ and REJOICING for it....attaining LIFE because when you suffer for doing right it pleases our LORD! 1 Peter tells us women that we are to be meek and quiet spirits and submissive to our husbands...THAT is what makes us beautiful. Meekness is defined as power under control. Now, in this world....that doesn't make sense...and we fight that a lot. God, if I don't argue MY WAY with my husband then he will always think he can walk all over me! NO...nothing that God tells us to do makes sense in the human mind's standards. (God tells us that..."My ways are not your ways") "Die to live"...."when I am weak then I am strong", "I can only bear fruit after I am dead", "I must hate my life to find it", "I must be a servant to be considered great"....obedience requires FAITH- that even though it doesn't make sense....I don't SEE why or HOW, I still must obey....knowing that God's sovereign vision sees the outcome.

So, as I move forward as a mother and wife- how does this affect me? Well, anytime during the day when I experience suffering...whether it's both my kids in bad moods screaming at me...or it's not getting a bath and feeling ugly...or whether it's something with Blake that has upset me.....it's no longer about ME....it's about identifying with Christ and HIS suffering through dying to my desires and needs, and then living in the power of the resurrection!!! However, this will be a DAILY struggle to remember....just as Peter experience victory while walking on the water to Jesus....THE IMPOSSIBLE...walking on water- he had gained victory over the very waves that threatened his life....the only reason why he had gained victory was because he was dead centered on Christ...the minute a wave hit him upside the head and bad things around him got worse...he started to look at his circumstances and then....SANK. Though I have experience "walking on water" one day...if I don't keep my eyes DEAD centered on Christ those waves of life will distract me and get me quickly focused on my circumstances and I will "sink"!

Things I love!!

Things I LOVE about my boys:

-How when Parker is driving his big truck to the park or when we are playing at the park and he sees people coming- he calls them friends. "Look, mommy!! FRIENDS!!"
-I love how when Beckham wakes up in his crib and is crying- when I walk in he holds his blanket up for me to hold with him.
-I love how Parker still wants me to go everywhere and do everything with him
-I LOOOOOOVE how at night I will go in and rock Beckham with his blanket and paci and he just snuggles up so close and doesn't wiggle and try and get down.
-I love playing in the leaves with Parker
-I love watching Beckham learn and experience new things like play-doh.
-I love how Parker talks constantly to me- he tells me that he gets to eat gum when he is older (in fact, EVERY time he sees someone chewing gum.."when I get older, I chew gum!")and he wants to hold his new BIG underwear and how he has "two more minutes" and then he will go night night.
-I love that Beckham is starting to really understand me and will do what I tell him to do and is really receptive now.
-I love how Parker wants to "help" with everything. Feeding the dogs, cooking and stirring, unloading the groceries onto the conveyor belt, putting the battery into his big truck.
-I love how Beckham points off into nowhere telling me he wants "something".
-I LOVE how Parker is a snuggle bug now...he wants to sit with me on the couch to watch movies or read books. He LOVES to hold my hand in the car or on the couch. I love how sometimes he just needs to sit with me and do nothing...just to get that mommy time. FILLS ME UP
-I love watching Beckham learn how to get up on the couch! haha...it's SOOO CUTE!
-I love how Parker gets SO excited about everything. When we get in the car...even if it was from somewhere that was NO fun, he will say "was that FUN mommy????".
-I love how no matter how MAD Beckham is, I can tickle his neck and he immediately starts DYING laughing!
-I love watching my boys play in the backyard...pushing lawn mowers, filling up the dump truck with toys, playing in the sand and water pit and with the dog bowls.
-I love how when I have been gone without the boys somewhere and come back to get them, they are SOOOO happy to see me. Man, that is the greatest feeling in the world!
-I love how my boys LOOOOOOOOOOOVE their daddy....they just LOOOVE him....both of them.
-I love sitting on the couch, arm-to-arm, with Parker drinking hot chocolate and watching a movie.
-I love how when Parker was scared in his bed the other night- he wanted to pray!!! Oh, warms my heart!
-I love how when Parker wakes up in the morning- we go get him on the couch with a pillow and blanket to watch cartoons and he says "mommy do Bible study???"....yes, baby, mommy is going to do Bible study.
-I love my baby Beckham's smile....that baby is SOOOO CUTE!!!! He melts me into a puddle every time I see him....he is SOOOO CUTE!
-I love how Beckham can be in the heat of playing something or in the heat of a screaming fit and if you say "Beckham, let's go take a bath- or Beckham do you want to go take a shower?" he will STOP and start CHARGING towards the bathroom! He LOOOOVES bath time.
-I love the way Beckham smells....even when he smells like old milk and slobber- I just love how he smells....kinda weird :)
-I love kissing my babies....those cheeks and foreheads are SOOOO perfect!!!
-I love when I pick up Parker he holds me really tight around my neck and then plays with my hair.
-I love when I am snuggling close with Beckham he pats my back.
-I love how when Beckham walks he uses his arm to go back and forth to gain momentum to go even faster! haha! Soo cute!
-I love how Parker will tell me about something and I don't understand him and he will say, "I'll show you mommy" and come pull my hand and take me to what he is talking about
-I love how when Parker is putting his underwear on he tells me that the "tag goes on my hiny"...then after he puts his clothes on by himself he RUNS to show me and is SOO excited!

-I love experiencing life with my boys....I just love it. It's hard work, and there are so many uncertainties and there are tantrums and screaming fits....but man....having two healthy boys that I get to invest in every-single-day is such a HUGE blessing. The frustrating times are pretty frustrating, but the good times are so good that it washes all of those frustrations away. Just sitting here typing out what I love about my boys makes me want to go wake them up from their naps and just hug and kiss them all over.